The War of .Zip (Working Title)

Chapter 10: A mouse or a man.

Ethan decided he did not like war.

More specifically, he did not like being a soldier in a war.

This had been his first day of training and, unsurprisingly, he'd had great trouble with it.

It had started alright; the company had to go for an hours jog around the meadow which actually ended up being quite a pleasant event.

They'd even stopped for a break half way whereupon his commander, Mainwaring, had ordered the men to ''build a bond''.

Whilst the rats hadn't acknowledged his existence, three other rodents called Vico, Nicko and Sam did.

Vico was a vole who had, somehow, dyed his upper body red. It was an odd look, but it made his otherwise rotund appearance slightly more menacing.

Nicko was a shrew that seemed to have a problem with grooming as a large fringe flowed down from the top of his head to the ground. When asked why it was so long, Nicko had simply snapped it to one side and answered:

''The ladies love it.''

Finally, Sam was a mole who relied on Nicko for guidance.

The phrase, ''the blind leading the blind'', defiantly applied here but the duo seemed content together.

When they did finally start the jogging up again, Ethan felt confidant that his time in the army might actually end up being a pleasant one.

That was until he was forced into a chainmail shirt three sizes too big and possibly heavier than he was and then told to spar with Sam, whereupon Sam began to beg for his life.

This resulted in Ethan being shouted at by Mainwaring to either hit the terrified Sam or be hit himself.

Ethan took the latter and was bitch slapped by Sam's large mole hands like a pimp hits their bottom bitch [a loving yet rough slap for those of you who aren't acquainted with this rather sudden change in the choice of language].

The next activity, an obstacle course, was little better. Here, Ethan had no trouble getting up the obstacles but getting down was a hassle due to the pile his comrades that littered the floor after each and every obstacle.

It would have been a more humorous sight if not for the occasional sexual moan that came from deep within the mound of bodies.

Finally, archery was rather a hugely confused class.

It consisted of Mainwaring telling the group that, to fire an arrow they must think like an arrow which prompted them to 'meditate' on the idea of being an arrow for the last few hours of the day.

Ethan suspected that this was because archery is rather hard to teach without a bow or arrow.

By the time Ethan returned to his tent he was more annoyed than exhausted.

Still, it could be worse, he could have been put in a cell like Klara.

Instead, he was in a tent with eight other rodents and Issac (whom slept in the bunk above his own).

Ethan lay back on his bed and took out the only book he'd been able to find in the camp: The Lusty Lizard Maid.

Whilst it wasn't exactly his preferred genera, it actually had a fair bit of plot and some excellently described...action.

Sam, Nicko and Vico soon returned from their dinner and began to indulge in their daily dose of banter.

Vico and Sam would sit as Nicko brought out The Banter Book, a beautifully bound large book that Nicko blew the 'dust' off of each night before telling his comrades a tale from within it's covers.