He stole my heart // Chandler Riggs Fanfic

Chapter 17: it slipped

  Watching Chandler with Brianna was painful. They are a horrible couple. They laughed as they ate breakfast together. I was eating with Alexandria.
"Alex I can't do this." I said. She looked at Chandler and Brianna.
"What are you gonna do about it?" She asks. I take her napkin and wrote on it: why are you hurting me?
On it. I gave it to the waiter and he gave it to Chandler.
"What did you write?" Alex asked. Chandler glared at me and sent it back.
I told you I'm moving on.
"Stuff." I say. We get up to walk back to our room.
"If only you knew." I said to Chandler.
"Rachel!" Alexandria yelled at me. We kept walking.
"It slipped." I say. I turned around and saw Chandler about to get up but Brianna sat him back down.
"Rachel, that is not something you throw at somebody."
"I want to tell him I really do but I don't know how."
"I'll go out with Brianna tonight and you and Chandler talk."
"No I can't ask you to do that, I tell him when we get back."
"Rachel."
"Alex." She glared at me.
"Fine."

  Brianna has ruined this cruise. All I wanted was a well with my girls. It's that last night too. I want couples massage with Chandler and rose petals sprinkled in our room. But that's not going to happen. I start up every night wondering what would have happened if I didn't lose that baby. Would we have eloped? Would Chandler run away? Would he be there for me? Would I keep my job? It's a blessing and a curse. Alanna and I went to the pool.
"Honestly how is it knowing there is a human being growing in your body?" I ask. She softly smiled.
"Do you really want to know?"
"I really do." I smiled back. We dipped our feet in the pool.
"I feel like a hallow watermelon. With liquid inside and a huge bean. And every time they kick it's more real that your gonna be a mother. No one is ready, when it comes it comes." She says.
"I would be 4 months tomorrow." I say.
"And you would be glowing." She pointed out.
"Alex is making me tell Chandler tonight." She starred at the water.
"I can't imagine being told that." She said after a lost pause of silence.
"Some days I want him back and some days I don't want to see his face."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"When you and Chandler play Carl and Avery are you playing them or are you playing Rachel and Chandler?" I sat there thinking.
"We play ourselves. We look like Carl and Avery but on the inside our actions are all real."
"That's true love there Rachel. You guys can be romantic on set as Carl and Avery but when it comes to real life you have this cold, Cold War. You want each other but your too afraid. He wants you and you want him. What are you going to do about it?" I took that all in.
"I've been asked that already today and I still don't know."
"Your life could be upside down right now."
"But I have you guys that keep me up and motivated."
"There are time when only the one you love can really make a difference."
"What Danai said as Mishonne, do you really think she meant it?"
"You mean like surviving as your career?" I nodded as silly as it sounded.
"What I think is she told Avery things that Rachel needed to hear." I stared to tear up.
"This life. This career, means everything to me. I've Dreamed and dreamed of it. And to know that I can't have a career and be with someone I love it's heart breaking. The idea that I could be pregnant with his baby right now scared the living daylights out of me. All I want is my career and my man." I let it all out.
"Rach-" Chandler was behind me. I turned around. I covered my hand with my face. I'm the biggest screw up.
"Is that, is that true?" He asked.
"Chandler-"
"Is that true?! Is that what you can't mtell me because you weren't ready!?" He was causing lots of attention.
"Ok!" Alanna pushed us down the deck to an empty room.
"Rachel that's- why wouldn't you tell me that?"
"I've put you through so my fucked up shit! I didn't want you to feel bad for me or save me in any way. I just wanted things to be normal."
"You kept me from knowing that deep down you truly do love me! That's not something you should tell me?! I'm not quite connecting the dots here." Oh shit he didn't hear the part about the baby.
"I wanted my career but I also wanted you." I say.
"Why is that past tense?"
"You said it yourself, you've moved on." I said slowly.
"Then why did you kick me out?"
"Scott told me it was you or my career."
"And you chose your career!" He sifted his hand through his hair.
"Biggest mistake I've ever made!" He was pacing the room in shock.
"Rachel this is crazy."
"I don't like this Cold War."
"Where are you going with this?!"
"I've made up my mind. It's time for you to do the same."
"Rach I can't. I couldn't ask you to give up your career for me."
"Chandler-"
"Sometimes people who love each other the most are not meant to be." I really wish he heard me.
"Do not."
"I love you so much but your career is everything to you."
"And I'm everything to you!" That hit him like a bus. He was in shock. A tear fell down his face.
"Your right, you are." He grinned and walked away. I sunk to the floor in tears. What have I done?

  I marched down the hallway and opened his door. Norman and Michael were all talking with Chandler.
"I can't hold this in any longer!" I yelled at Chandler.
"Hey, Rachel." Norman held my balled fist.
"I need to tell you something." My voice cracked.
"Are you sure Rachel?" Emily stood in the doorway.
"Let's leave them."
"Hey!" Chandler said as Norman and Michael got up.
"Keep your hands to yourself." Norman said. They shut the door. Chandler stood up. I sat him back down.
"Would you have stayed with me if I were pregnant?" I asked.
"What the hell?"
"Would you?!"
"I didn't want to leave and that wouldn't have changed much Rachel!"
"Chandler-"
"What are you saying? Are you?" He looked at me. My heart was racing.
"I was." I finally say after moments of silence. He looked like he died inside.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He voice cracked and began to be shaky.
"I thought you hear when you heard me earlier."
"You carried our child?" He asked again.
"If it had lived I would have quit my job."
"When do I come into play?" I tear from his cheek fell on the ground.
"I was going to tell you the day I found out but things went wrong." He stood there just starring at me intently.
"I know you hate me right now, but I need some comfort." He took a deep breath and pulled me in the hug I've wanted forever. I recognized that smell. I hadn't washed my sheets because they still smelt of him.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone, I will never let that happen to you ever again. I'm here for you." He strengthened his hold on me. I cried into his shoulder.
"I love you." He said. I haven't heard that in a while.
"I love you too." He pulled me away.
"Your not mad?" I asked.
"How can I we mad at you?" He pulled a piece of hair out of face. And he didn't let me go.