How to Steal a Happy Ending

~ Interlude: exit wounds ~

~~~ OCTOBER,
         Junior Year. ~~~

"Vince, it's really not you. I-I just," I scanned the room- still shrouded in dark, still with the stench of desire hanging in the air. Only now, it was more the left-behind mist of a perfume sprayed long ago; faded, no longer relevant...rotting.  I swallowed and tried to push the terror-like hammering so far down my throat that it could be mistaken for an eager heartbeat. I can still fix this.  

"Thing is, I just had waay too much to drink. It's not- it doesn't mean anything." Tilting my head, hands on knees and knees on floor, I looked up at him. A smile I'd scolded into obedience playing on my lips. Only he doesn't look back. His eyes are burning a hole in the wall ahead of him. Or rather, the wall behind me. "But that's fine, right? We could just go again."

The yellow of the street light that spilled in through the window was enough for me to see his jaw clench."No." He tells me. And I hear it but I also just...don't.

He stood up. My hands fell into my lap, same with the smile. I could've left it there. Just let him walk out the door without another word. And we would have laughed about it the next day; Anna, Kate and I. Maybe Marie but I was sure she'd be too hungover. Maybe a carton of ice cream would be her placeholder. End of story, life could move on even without me being Claire, Vince's girlfriend.

But I didn't let him walk away. Instead I reached frantically for him; desperately, pathetically. Because nobody wants to be alone.

"No, look, I swear. It won't happen again. Vince," I tugged at him, trying to coax him into agreement.

"Vince, please." I think he heard; he stopped in his tracks, eyes now scorching a spot on the door.

"Dude come on, I'm literally on my knees. It's ridiculous." I wasn't sure if I was telling myself that or him. Whoever it was though, they didn't listen. I was still on the ground and he was still reaching for the knob. Some part of me knew that it should've been the other way around; that it should've been my choice, that if I didn't want to sleep with him, I didn't have to. But it wasn't loud enough to make me want to be alone.

"You said you wanted to Claire." He wasn't asking me. It wasn't a question, it never was. It was probably implied and you just missed it. I tried to convince myself that that was what it was. An oversight.

So I stood, hands around his neck trying to imitate what they thought affection looked like. "And I do. Just-just give me another chance. And I promise we won't even remember the first time."

He looked at me then, not the door or the wall. He looked at me. And as we drew closer, I let myself believe that I'd fixed it. Everything was going to go back to the way it was, all that needed to happen was this kiss.

There was a click. Not of things snapping back into place though. The click of a door knob being shut from the outside and a secret unwillingly shared. And it had to be then that Vince caught on to things before me. 

Soon his eyes were back on the door, hands pushing me away. "We're done Claire." He told me but I couldn't hear. I couldn't remember how to convince him otherwise, couldn't remember why I had to. And when he left, I couldn't stop him.

Like mother, like daughter.