~ Interlude: scar tissue ~

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~~OCTOBER, Junior year~~

What do you call it when you don't like who you are; when you want to crawl out of your skin and just... shed it, set it on fire? Should I name it dissatisfaction or regret or hatred, someone tell me quick. And before I wreck it, tell me if its important.

"Claire, is it true? About you and Vince?"

"I dunno, maybe."

"Oh my god, why?"

"Idontwannatalkboutit"

"What? Stop mumbling, I can hardly hear you with this crappy reception."

"I said I don't-"

"Okay listen, you know I'm your best friend right? Like you know I'd never tell anyone your secret right?"

"...."

"Claire, come on its killing me. Can't you atleast tell me who?"

"Who what?"

"Oh please, don't play the clueless card with me. I heard you two arguing about him! Just give me a hint Claire, pleasee. The first letter of his name...hell, even the last letter. I swear I'm not going to judge."

"Wait- you heard who? Me and Vince? You HEARD us last night? That was you?"

"Ah yeah, I thought it was the bathroom door, my bad. Now, stop trying to change the topic and-"

"No wait Katie, I'll call you back."

But I'm secretly hoping you'll tell me that yes, it is important. Because I'm afraid that once it's done- once I've gotten rid of it- there won't be anything left of me to be proud of. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to look back and feel the good kind of nostalgia. I'm afraid that all I'm going to see is regret.

RING RING RIING

What do you call it when you realize you never did like that girl called self? Because she's always just been bits and pieces of other people. She was haphazardly and foolishly stitched together by this treacherous hand. A patchwork quilt made of everything that, at the time, seemed so so pretty.

RINNG RIING

She wasn't beautiful, though. She wasn't art.

She was a lie. And a terrible one at that.

RINN-

"Hello?"

"Um, hi. It's me. Claire, obviously haha."

"Oh yeah, hey."

"So look, I- yeah see, I found out who it was. Yesterday, I mean. You know, the person standing at the door when we...anyway, it was just Katie apparently so...yeah. Disaster averted, haha."

"...."

"I just called to tell you that. It was just-it was just her."

"Ok, cool."

"Right, so I guess...you know, I guess-"

"Yeah so I gotta go, I've got a couple friends over."

"Oh. Oh yeah, sure! I'll see you at school then?"

CLICK.

And what happens when you can't remember which four by four square of the quilt was yours? Do you keep them all or do you destroy yourself as well?

~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: I know this isn't in my usual format but for this I just felt like it was the right way to go, I would love to know what you guys think of it. (and yes I'm on a bit of a wattpad hiatus, but I will definitely put up a huge holiday season update!)

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