How to Steal a Happy Ending

•fifteen• Lessons in Love: One step forward, two steps back.

"Wheel will turn
Spinning and my past will burn"

-Pale Sun Rose, Matthew and the Atlas

~~~ OCTOBER, Junior Year.~~~

Today I'm going to school.

For the first time in a long time, I'm sucking it up and going to school.

So what if Vince dumped me, so what if I have no friends. I am going to school, regardless.

No more burying myself under piles of sheets and begging my mom to be left alone. No more oily hair, greasy forehead and puffy eyes.

Today, I am waking up before the sun. I am going to take a shower and wash away all the dirt and fear I've accumulated. And by the time the sun comes out, I will burn brighter than it ever can.

I am a warrior, a fighter, a soldier. I'm going to crush everybody in my way. I'm going to make Eye of the Tiger my ringtone.

I marched out of bed and into my bathroom, determined to give those bitches a sun burn they can't recover from.

-----------------------------------------

Several hours later, I found myself back on square one; lying on my bed, crushed and lifeless.

Bad is not good enough to describe my day. Neither is horrifying. Let's just say that if today were a bulldozer, I would be the squirrel that got in its way - flattened and dead with its guts bursting out. I threw my comforter above my head and groaned as the sadist living in my head decided to play a recap of the day.

Never in my life had I been so glared at...or so ogled at. And then there was the muttering. It drove me right near the edge of crazy. I could hear what they said but it was as if I couldn't. Because when you mutter words under your breath, you don't have to own up to them. They aren't yours they way that words that are spoken or yelled are. They glide though the air till they reach their target and slice through its heart.

"Oh my god, look at what she's wearing. And her hair! Hmph, what a slut."

"She probably didn't come to school because she was getting an abortion."

"She probably didn't come to school because she was suspended for being a whore."

"God, she's so disgusting."

"Vince deserves better than her."

All this times a hundred and chop chop, I've been Julienned.

But I got better at ignoring the muttering by the end of third period. I'd show up at class before the bell rang and leave after everyone had emptied out. I'd almost made it through the day, but fate had an elaborate ass-whooping planned and it wasn't in the mood to show mercy.

I'd been sprinting towards the girl's locker room as fast as I could, hoping to be in and out before anyone could so much as blink, when I ran into them. Them as in Mr. Spray painter and Travis. Actually, I'm not sure if his name was even Travis. It was kind of hard to recollect when he was giving me the most menacing stare I'd ever been on receiving end of. I wish I could say a stare was all I got...I was a lamb cornered by the big bad wolves; stupid, pathetic, mute. I let them blow my house down and out of town.

Pick yourself up off the floor and save your tears for the bathroom stall. Recycle, repeat. That's going to be your life from now on. I sighed into my pillow. And somewhere in between, the sigh turned into a dry, choking sob. And where there is one sob, more must follow. Soon I was whimpering at the cracked ceiling, once again showing it how pathetic I've become.