How to Steal a Happy Ending

•thirty seven• lethologica

"do you try to explain those things you tell me,
then convince yourself? "

      - Chit Chat, Hannah Georgas.

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11:45 PM

Me: so my dad's getting married again *yay**so exicted**is this real life?*... -__-

(unseen)

That was over two hours ago of course. Two hours and fifteen minutes ago. Not that I was counting.

I lay on my bed, wide awake and restless. It was way too late to go to sleep and way too early to get up. I had the luxury of making the decision an hour ago. But instead I watched it crawl away with time. While I just lay there, watching it leave. I couldn't go after it, I needed something. And it felt like I couldn't move forward without it.

Maybe I needed a distraction... some television. No, I need a hug. Milk might do the trick. I want affection not dairy products.

Burrowing into the comforter, I sighed at the cell phone screen. I felt...unwanted. Maybe he didn't notice yet.

I glanced at my phone once again. Maybe he's mad at me...

My finger hovered over the call button next to his name. Should I? or should I not?

I guess my body had a mind of its own, because I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, phone pressed against my ear.

Ring. Ring. The noise jarred in relation to the otherwise silent night. Almost like it was out of place. Wrong.

Ring. Riing. I could still go back. Cut the call. Restore the silence...the suffocating, unbearable silence.

Riing- "This better be important."

James' voice sliced though my doubt, annoyance tinting his tone. My heart did a cannon ball into a pit of disappointment. I really shouldn't have called.

"Umm..." I tried to determine whether or not this classified as 'important' to him; especially considering my new found status of boring.

But before I could get a word in edgewise, James set off on a parade of questions.

"Are you critically injured? Hurt? Dying?"

"Uhh. No, but-"

"Is someone around you dead or dying?"

"No, I just-"

"Burglars? Kidnappers? Rapists?"

"NO. God, just-"

"Then it can wait till a proper hour of the day."

This was followed by a lot of shuffling on his side.

I should've given up on the conversation, but something inside me leaped to hold on tight to the last human contact of the day.

"Hang on wait!" The shifting noises stopped. "It's just...I just called because-" I heaved a sigh, "I don't know, I'm sad."

I meant it to be something along the lines of 'I'm pathetic to stay up this late and call random people'. But out loud, it became more of an actual statement about how I felt.

I don't know if he picked up on this because there was nothing but silence on the other end. In a way it was the perfect background score to my pathetic-slash-sad-slash-lonely existence. Great now, all three of those words are starting to sound like synonyms.