How to Steal a Happy Ending

•forty four• i open at the close

Silence.

Dead silence.

I hadn't said a word since we got in the car. But hey, I had deep emotional turmoil to work through. What was his excuse?

James sat behind the wheel, stoic and unflinching in his resolve to pay absolutely no attention to me. And I couldn't understand it. Not the attention part. The silence.  Where were his bizarre opinions, his dumb plans, the tissue paper contracts, the promises of ice cream? Where was the James I knew, the one that showed up at my door one horrible Halloween night and took me on a goddamned adventure? Because I want that guy. I want him to smirk and wink and say stupid things. I want to get so sucked up into everything James Montgomery that I forget about carrying the weight of my world.

But no. The James sitting next to me was quiet. Maddeningly, deafeningly quiet. And I couldn't take another second of it.

"For fucks sake, just say something."

His eyes never left the road, religiously avoiding mine."You wouldn't like what I have to say." 

"So? That's never stopped you before." 

"I don't..." he said, stopping to take a deep breath. He let it all out in one sigh. His fingers tightened over the wheel as he spoke. "My father left us when I was nine. And he never turned back, never even called. He could've moved back to Ireland, joined the peace corps or hell, maybe he's a sheep herding nomad now. I have no way of knowing. But what I do know is that he's certainly not about to invite me to be a part of whatever new life he's living."  He paused, and it seemed like he was taking his time choosing his words. "Look, I don't know your father. But it's obvious he still wants you in his life. And maybe that's not such a bad thing." He finished, turning to look at me for the first time since we left the wedding.

I don't know what I was expecting him to say. But it wasn't this. It took me a while to process that James was telling me something real. It was disorienting. The thought of James being something other than innuendos and sly smiles. The seriousness with which he was telling me this, this so very real thing about himself. And just the plain honesty of it all. It threw me. I didn't know how to react.

"You never told me about your dad..."

Pulling to a stop at the parking lot of Shelly's, he shrugged nonchalant. "You never asked."

And he was right. I never asked. Four years and I've never once bothered to ask.  Never even wondered where his dad was...or if he had one for that matter. Never really listened when he dropped random snippets about his childhood.With overwhelming shame, I realized how selfish I had been. I spent all our time together romanticizing the idea of James as this enigma. Indecipherable yet simple, mysterious yet one dimensional. I didn't care to know who he was outside of who he was to me.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For, I don't know, being such a shitty friend. I never treated you like a real person. You were just James Montgomery and you didn't give a fuck about anything, ever. And that's about all I bothered to actually know about you."

"Clary, you don't have to-"

"No, seriously." I cut him off. "What do I even know about you that isn't just obvious? Yeah, you're a messy eater and you like using  fruit flavored shampoo. You say the stupidest things like they're deep and philosophical. And oh my god, you're the most dramatic person I've ever met. But anyone that's spent half a moment with you knows that stuff. And I'm such an idiot, James. I've known you forever. But I don't know you. Not really."

I spent all this time begging him to love me, to make me the center of his affection. But why should he? I didn't. I only ever loved the idea of him. The James I created in my mind, the one that waltzes in and out at the right moments, confuses me and excites me. That was what I loved. I took something so superficial and turned it over and over in my head until it was this deep, soul crushing emotion. I felt like a character straight out of a poorly written teen romance. Silly, self absorbed, air headed.

Before I knew it I was laughing- slowly at first, in stops and starts and then all at once. Uncontrollable, rumbling through my chest like a waterfall. All the torture and the angst of the past couple months had lead to this most anticlimactic of endings.

"Claire..." James stared at me bemused, eyebrows arched, waiting to be let off this roller coaster of a conversation.

I bit my lip and tried to compose myself enough to explain. As I struggled to hold a straight face, James pouted.

"You know, most people consider it rude to burst into giggles halfway through an apology."

I smiled. I did love James, I loved hanging out with him. And maybe our story wasn't a love story. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. I don't know. But I know that we'll always have fun. Just ridiculous, stupid fun.

"Would it help if I bought you ice cream?"I asked.

He smiled. An impish half smile that danced over his features but stayed in his eyes. Eyes that were, not so dangerous, not so mysterious. Just blue.

"No." He slid out of the car, taking my purse with him. "But we can try."

And I followed that mad man.

Like every other time in the history of us. 

It could've been the laws of the universe.

Or it could've just been that we both really liked ice cream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   fin  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: THE END AHH IT TOOK ME three years lol. Idk if its good enough honestly i just woke up today and thought I Need To Finish Something In Life. This is the first time i finished a book i started writing. I'm so soo thankful to all the people that wrote in asking me to update and telling me how much they liked the book. I couldn't have done it without you guys. And I know that everyone says that, but i literally wouldn't have done it if weren't for all of you wonderful people. I haven't been on wattpad, and i just opened my email and read all the notifications i got about this book and it was really touching. like idk i really needed that encouragement today. Please let me know what you thought of the ending.

I've always thought that James and Claire wouldn't end up together. Because when i started writing the book, I didn't want it to be a typical happy ending. There was a moment when i thought wait no they're so cute tho, but the more i thought about it the more i felt like they'd be a disaster together. I'd love to hear your opinions though!

Aight i'm signing off, with So Much Love to all my readers. New and old. You guys got me here. And brought me so much joy though this twhole journey. I never thought I could ever write something this coherent,  much less have it be good enough to read. And there was loads of times in between that i felt like giving up, but your comments and messages meant so much to me. I keep saying it i know, but i really mean it. <3 <3 <3