Helplessly in Love: A Taylor Lautner Love Story

Chapter 45: Changes

I awoke with a start, shaking, teeth chattering despite the sheen of sweat that covered my body. It took me a few seconds to finally exhale the massive breath I’d been holding. After that, my breath came out in pants; I couldn’t get enough air fast enough.

“Rachel, baby. What’s the matter?! Are you alright?” I could hear Taylor’s frantic voice and feel his frantic hands repeatedly touching my forehead, my cheek, my arm. But it all seemed so distant. I felt as though I wasn’t really here right now. I didn’t want to be in this position. The guilt continued to roll through my body as I struggled to catch my breath, and get my heart rate back to normal.

“Are you okay?” Taylor spoke again, relief seeping into his tone as I began to calm down. I shook violently. I couldn’t meet his eyes. “You’ve been acting strange since we got home. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. The frustration and guilt and confusion and the anger got the better of me and I released all the tears that I had been fighting so desperately to hold back. They fell without warning, and once I started, I didn’t know how to stop.

Taylor immediately wrapped his arms around me and cradled me in his lap, rubbing my back and moving my hair out of my face as I cried indefinitely into his broad chest. I clutched the thin fabric of his shirt, making a fist as I bawled. “Baby, please tell me what’s going on,” I heard him say over my sobs. “I love you more than anything, and I want so badly to help you. You just have to let me. Please.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. The guilt and deceit was literally going to eat me alive. My stomach continued to churn uncomfortably and I bit my tongue, not knowing how to start. I definitely do not deserve someone like him. I just don’t.

With a broken, scratchy, raw voice, I finally replied to him. “I need to tell you something.”

“Tell me,” he said, not missing a beat. I only heard the sheer concern in his voice, which only made me feel worse.

“I don’t know where to start,” I mumbled, still not looking into his eyes.

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” he suggested to me. I drew a shaky breath, folding my arms over my torso as if that would make me stronger or make me feel any better. “I’ll still love you no matter what.”

That was when I continued on to tell him what happened.

************** Taylor’s POV **************

Anger.

Anger and frustration and annoyance was all I could feel. When Rachel started her story, I knew exactly where this was leading to. I didn’t want to believe it, but there was no doubting that she was telling the truth. And why would she lie about something as awful as this?

Hurt.

Hurt is also another emotion on my mind, and I knew it clearly registered on my face by the way her cries got worse every time she looked at me. But I absolutely hated seeing her cry. I also hated the fact that there was pretty much nothing I could do to console her either.

Rage.

I was beyond livid at the thought of another guy touching Rachel in any way. I should be the only one to do it! No one will ever love her more than I do. Ryan is a punk, forcing himself on her that way when he knew she was hurting. I was angry enough to beat him to a pulp, but I wouldn’t do that; for Rachel’s sake.