Helplessly in Love: A Taylor Lautner Love Story

Chapter Twenty-Three - Worries

Much to my surprise, as the week went on, it never really got any harder. Maybe uncomfortable was the word for how I felt most of the time. I tried to keep myself busy, to keep from thinking of him. But all that trying would just go to waste when he would call me before I went to bed. The worst part was when I woke up thinking we could hang out today, only to be extremely disappointed when I remembered he was miles and miles away. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing his voice, and I’m happy that I have the opportunity to hear him everyday.

That’s better than nothing at all.

I just can’t wait for that moment to come where I can hold him in my arms again, feel his fingers wrapped around my own, feel his cool, minty breath wash across my face…

But the more I get to thinking about those things, the less enthusiastic I am about going on into another day without us being together. So that’s why my days have been filled with constant activities to keep my mind from wandering to things that might make me sad. 

Today, was probably the most drastic day of all, though. I was sitting my bed, wondering how I would spend my Saturday. I got dressed with loud, distracting music in my ears. I spent an unnecessary amount of time in the kitchen making an omelet that should’ve taken no more than five minutes.

I meandered throughout my apartment with no purpose, just looking around, straightening the already tidy rooms. 

Then, I did something I never thought I would do. Ever. 

It was also something I’ve never done before.

I opened my laptop and typed a familiar name in my favorite search engine, surprised at all the different items that popped up. 

I had never researched Taylor Lautner before, and I felt wrong while I was doing it. If I done this a couple months ago, it wouldn’t have been any different from searching any other celebrity. But now that I’m doing it, I feel dirty and wrong, like somehow I’m going behind his back.

But I can’t look away. I look at pictures, interviews he’s been in, quotes he’s made. I watch about one hundred you tube videos of him. I’m laughing, smiling, and hurting all at the same time. But it’s an odd sensation. I feel like he’s here with me for a moment, then that feeling leaves and makes me feel empty and cold.

After I’ve studied everything the internet has to offer about Taylor, I go to netflix.com watch the first of the four Twilight movies.

Twilight wasn’t that bad, in fact I was kind of intrigued by the story. I want to read the books. 

I felt like an utter dork when I burst out laughing during the movie. I couldn’t handle it when Taylor came on the screen with long hair and boyish looks. He’s grown up a lot since this movie came out, but I still think he’s hot no matter what.

After that, I leave my apartment and head to the nearest bookstore, on a mission. Only I am taken aback by the orange glow in the air, like the sun’s about to set.

It’s past 5pm.

I spent over seven hours stalking my boyfriend on the internet.

I’m the worst girlfriend ever, he can never know about this. 

Happiness overrode my guilt, though. Even though stalking him felt wrong, it felt so right. I felt like he was here with me, if only for a moment. But I’d much rather have that than nothing at all.

When I arrive at the bookstore, I head straight for the teenage section and pick up Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer. I knew I probably shouldn’t have because all four books combined cost over fifty bucks without tax, but I think it’ll be worth it.