Sanity ~ A Luna Lovegood Fanfiction

The Last Goodbye

Preparations for Fred's funeral were underway that very evening. There was no more beating around the bush, no more ignoring. Finally, it was time to come face to face with what had happened.

We were all seated in the kitchen. The mood had changed drastically from when we were all strewn around the fireplace, laughing along as we listened to Ron and Harry reminisce loudly.

Arthur was reclining tensely in a worn armchair. George was perched in the corner of the room looking down at his feet. He didn't waver. He didn't look up even once. Ron, Harry and Ginny squashed up on one of the sofas, their shoulders and elbows poking each other. I sat in a crooked dining chair next to Hermione. Molly was at the centre of the kitchen table, flustered.

Pages scattered as Molly rustled through documents. Other than that, it was silent. A silence that dragged out until it was deafening. It rang in my head, bouncing around my skull, almost driving me to tears.

Molly set Hermione to work duplicating notes to send to all of those who knew Fred well: old classmates, regular customers, cousins, friends. Arthur assured everyone that he'd get in touch with an old friend who did official ceremonies.

Other than that, I couldn't figure what we were achieving. We just sat there tersely, our eyes pulled to the centre of activity at the table. I was biting my lip. Ginny tried to offer help to Mrs. Weasley but she continuously made a fuss of saying an adamant no.

It was unexpected when George rose. He emerged from the corner of the room and approached his mother. Molly looked up in shock, her shaking hand held in mid air.

"Mum," he said in a sobering voice. He crouched down so that he could console her up close. "Let them help, yeah? You can't do this alone." He took a labouring swallow.  "Take a break, okay? Let us handle this for once." He whispered his words, his eyes urging.

Molly was quivering. She was staring at George, unmoving. "I'm sorry," she said. Her words were mumble. They barely resembled words. Tears were welling into her eyes. "I'm sorry. Thank you, George."

She rubbed his arm and I saw that the tears had begun falling. She covered her eyes with her trembling hand and stood up from her creaky chair. She ran, a wobble in each step, towards the staircase and swiftly up the stairs.

***

"Fred Weasley was a good man."

"More than that, he was a funny man. And in my opinion he was too young a man.

"He never failed to put a smile on anyone's face. Even in times of trouble and darkness, he brought light and happiness. He made the world a better place the only way he knew how. It was his gift and his blessing. And he used it for the good of others. He fought evil with the simple act of telling jokes and making us laugh.

"I'm bitterly sorry to see such an innocent soul depart from us so prematurely. My heart goes out to you all who knew him best.

"It is an understatement to say that he will be dearly missed; by his brothers and sister, by his Mum and Dad and by his friends. He made an impact on everyone he's ever met, putting a grin on the most sorrowful of people.

"It is a burden to me to know that this war has killed many, many brilliant witches wizards. It has stolen too many souls from us.

"One of our greatest young men, Fred Weasley - he was going to change our Wizarding World for the better - was lost. The war put out his flame. His potential doused. His precious life cut short. 

"To the family; I am sorry. My prayers are with every one of you: Molly, Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Percy, George, Ron and Ginny. You lost a wonderful person that day. But let me assure you, Fred will never be forgotten.

"Fred will live on in his stories, in our fondest memories, and his name will be known for generation to come. He will burn in our hearts forevermore."

Many a sniffle and sob could be heard troughout the croad, not only from the front line, where all the Weasleys were seated.

I was with Hermione and Harry. They had evolved from being just my friends, they were my family. Harry was holding his little godson, Teddy Lupin, and jiggling him om his knre. Andromeda Tonk was beside him, a solemn and tired look on her face.

Tears rolled down my pale cheeks as the service drew to an end. As I tried my best to wipe them away I looked up to see countless other faces struck with sorrow. In the crowd, I thought I caught a glimpse of a tall, young man with neat, combed down hair.

I gasped silently to myself.

It could be, I thought, it definitely could be.

I looked over again and this time the boy looked at me with deep hazel eyes, that looked somewhat blurred. The tears I suppose.

I couldn't bring myself to actually smile but I felt a surge of something like happiness overwhelm me. Through my surprise at seeing Neville, guilt underlay every other emotion inside me. I thought I owed it to Fred to be strictly, purely sad at his funeral. I couldn't be chasing boys when Fred lay dead in his coffin. 

"-and God bless."

The service was over now and the small, squat speaker, after speaking directly to Arthur and Molly and shaking their hands, walked down the aisle and apparated in a blur.

I gazed around. The lines in front of me on both sides of the aisle were filled with members of the Order of the Phoenix and quite a few teachers. Behind me, many faces, almost all unknown, looked back at me fretfully. At the very back I thought I caught the glimpse of a bleach-blonde head of hair, the only person I could think of who had hair that yellow was Draco Malfoy. But he was mean, he was nasty. I couldn't think about him without being reminded of my time held hostage in Malfoy Manor. It made a shiver run up my spine. The hairs on my arms stood up.

Ginny had lent me a black dress. I had never been so colourless before, not even at my mother's funeral. The black weighed me down, somehow. I wasn't myself.

Hermione and Harry stood up, teary-eyed, and I followed, just as teary-eyed. We walked quietly up to the front where a line of silent, solemn people had gathered leading up to the coffin.

The line that had formed in front of me disappeared more quickly than I was comfortable with. In what felt like no time at all, I was next in the queue to see Fred for the very last time. I didn't know if I was ready.

My legs shook uncontrollably. I barely made it the few steps to the light oak coffin.

And when I saw him, my knees wobbled even more. I didn't know if I'd be able to stand any longer.

Fred lay with his eyes closed and his shoulders limp, dressed in an ill-fitting brown suit. His skin was as pale as snow, dotted with dark ink blots of freckles.

He had always been full of life, every single time I ever saw him; passing his giggly form in the school halls, seeing him with his siblings on the platform on the first day of September, browsing through the joke shop amongst his laughable inventions and potions.

In a shaky voice I finally brought myself to say goodbye. Because I had to. I had to tell him how much I valued him and how much I would miss him.

To be honest, I felt selfish standing before him, weak in the knees. I barely knew him, I'm not sure if we'd ever even talked. Yet, here I was, tear-stained and upset as I looked upon his still face.

I said it anyway.

"Fred. I know we barely knew each other but... I'll miss you. I'm sure you know that. Everyone loves you and everyone will miss you. Maybe you don't even know who I am, but I feel like there's something missing inside me, in my heart, because you're not around anymore. You always made me laugh, always... so, thank you. Thank you so much."

I paused, choking down the tears clogging my throat. In a hoarse croak, I whispered, "Goodbye."

Talking to him so candidly like that, it made me feel a bit better. I really hoped he could hear me.