Sanity ~ A Luna Lovegood Fanfiction

Priorities

"You'll never guess what I heard on the grapevine this morning," Hermione declared as she joined Ginny and I for breakfast, trying to conceal a proud glance at the gleaming badge pinned to her robe imprinted with the initials HG - Head Girl.

"Is it that the vegetarian options here are actually laced with pixie meat?" I asked, gazing up at her in the hope that she could quash my worries. A new article had featured in The Quibbler about it. The plants used to produce the vegetarian products consumed in Britain were grown on the outskirts of pixie habitats and when they were being harvested, the pixies would get caught up in the harvester and end up in the finished product. It was a serious issue. 

"...No," Hermione said uneasily. She shook her head. "Draco Malfoy is coming back to Hogwarts." 

Ginny and I were puzzled into silence. 

"He won't be on campus," Hermione continued in a conspiratorial whisper, "he's coming in just to take Potions. It's compulsory for whatever course he wants to do." 

Ginny's face curled up in indignation. "The Malfoys are Death Eaters," she said, "how can they just let him in? Especially with what's going on with these new pure-blood maniacs on the loose."

"The Malfoys were pardoned for their crimes - for defying Voldemort in the end," Hermione corrected her. 

"Right, well I don't think I can pardon Blondie for all the bullying he did when he was here for six years." 

"Gin - it's not like we suddenly have to be friends with him. I'm sure he just wants to keep his head down." 

"I think he deserves for us to give him a chance," I piped up. 

Ginny turned on me. "Says the one who hasn't spoken to her father in almost four months." 

"That's different," I said, "because - because I expected better from him... At least with Draco we know that he's done bad things but we have the opportunity to see if he's changed or not." 

Ginny was silenced.

With only the slightest mention of Draco Malfoy, I was reminded of his slack face, his deadly eyes and his thin lips bitten shut as I wasted away for weeks in Malfoy Manor. He didn't actively make things worse for me but he didn't do anything to help either. His name brought back memories of my loneliest, most fragile moments; the moments I still regularly revisited in my nightmares, but if I could accept it, move past it, see his face again, maybe the memories would stop haunting me. 

Draco Malfoy's return would be another thing added to my ever-growing list of things to contemplate. My schedule, somehow, had become incredibly busy. 

I replied to Neville's first letter and ever since, letters came in on the regular, signed with his scruffy font. I agreed to meet with him as soon as was possible but I still had to figure out how deep my feelings actually were for him.

I also had to keep up my correspondence with Rolf. He was the type of person who didn't miss a beat; every week the owls dropped me a carefully crafted letter direct from the States and it took me a lot of care and consideration to write an adequate reply. 

Raven cornered me at every possible opportunity; in the corridors, outside my dorm, on the stairs, coming out of classrooms. She seemed to idolise me for my quirks and habits. We grew close. Although I was growing to love her, there was a lot of effort to be put in to keeping her entertained. 

Every night, as darkness settled over Hogwarts, I tiptoed out of bed and outside. I widened my affections from the thestrals alone. Stepping further and further into the forest each night, I met new animals. Creatures and plants I had never seen before. Hares with sharpened fangs and feathery tails, stick-like insects who folded themselves against tree trunks to try and go unnoticed, burrowing rodents who peeked out from their cosy homes with frilly flaps on their chins and more than just two eyes. I yielded my lighted wand in front of me and I cataloged each addition in my new  journal.  

I reached out to my father and nervously  awaited a response from him. I had embezzled the Howler with golden spirals and shining stones. I reduced the Niffler's Fancy with a reducto so that it would fit neatly inside the Howler and charmed it so that once my message was relayed, the paper would explode and the sparkling branch would emerge, returning to its normal size. In the message, I told Daddy that I loved him, I was sorry for leaving him and I wanted to see him again. I couldn't forgive him - yet - but I accepted the past as what it was. I told him to owl me with all the news he could possibly remember and fill me in on everything that I had missed. Tears burned in the back of my eyes when I finished speaking and the Howler sealed my words. It was teeth-chatteringly, lip-gnawingly, stomach-gurglingly nerve-wracking waiting for a reply. 

On top of this, I had to keep updated on news about the new group of Death Eaters, and eat and sleep and work. School in general was the least of my priorities. I did the bare minimum when it came to class and homework - but made an effort to appear present in DADA to please Professor Pepper - just enough to scrape by and go unnoticed. 

"He's the only person I've ever punched in the face," said Hermione, zapping me back into the present moment as her lips perked up irrepressibly. "If he's still a bully, maybe I'll be able to do it again." 

All I could do was wait and see.