Less Than Three

Chapter 21: Re-establishmentarianism

However swashbuckling he might have been back in the day, my dad is no longer pirate-like in any manner. Not unless you want to count the way he swooped in to take over the family lap top just as my phone started to die. Oh sure, he said it was for my own good, that I shouldn't burn the midnight oil, that early to bed and early to rise ... yadda, yadda. I think he was just itching to get online to search for more clichés. God knows I wouldn't want to get in the way of that. He could use a few fresh ones.

It was after two before he finally went to bed. I know this because I could not sleep. I tried reading for a while but then I got to the part about Venus and Mars. The very last thing I wanted to think about was girls + boys. I headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water (see Gymnastic Coach's Rule#1: Hydrate). I heard my dad snoring along the way and figured it was safe to go back to the living room.

I'd intended (no really, I did) to do some work on Mom's garden club website, but ...

Friday, June 20, 2:47 AM

Term of the Day: Impound- To keep or restrict within certain limits

My father tried to impound me from the interwebs tonight but I couldn't wait to read about ...

... Your First Kisses

ittybittykitty: He was older than me, and way more experienced. I freaked out when he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth -- and bit down on it. Talk about your *embarrassing* moments.

paperkut_cutie: We were playing one of those hide-n-go-seek games at camp. I found him under one of the cabins. I looked at him. He looked at me...

princessbluesky: three words. 1.braces 2.versus 3.retainer

SK8T4U: It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. She was my first real girlfriend and I'd wanted to kiss her FOREVER. My mom drove us home from the bowling alley. We pulled into her driveway and my GF jumped out. I was trying to get out to walk her to the door but my seatbelt was stuck. My girlfriend leaned back in and planted a big one on me =) My eyes were open and I could see my mother watching in the rear view mirror =(

cheddarbob: I'll never tell. BTW - Dave is being weirder than usual. He said mayhem didn't appeal to him tonight, and he refused to even begin to discuss the Secret Plan.

herbestfriend: You heard about my first kiss ages ago. For the record though: 6th Grade. M the Magnificent. Under the bleachers. He charged me a quarter to do it. P.S. The Secret Plan=Done. Over. Kaput. The hypothetical girl and her actual boyfriend are working things out.

Madison and Jacob were working things out? Oh great. (Barf.)

I spent the rest of the night trolling for new photos of Gordon Toledo of PaperKut fame. Why, oh why can't love work like it does in music videos?

***

9:56 AM Bonus Term of the Day: Altruism -- Selfless concern for the welfare of others. That's so me. I'm surprised my picture is not right there beside the definition.

The antonym for altruism is egoism. You can find my mother's picture there. No, really, does this make sense? Last night we were giggling and swapping boy stories. This morning she commands me to clean the pantry. And, of course, she will not reveal the location of my phone until I complete her evil task. Where is her selfless concern for my welfare?

brb. Someone's knocking.

Note to Self: Stop answering your door. Nothing good ever comes of it.