America in catastrophe

Chapter 12

He's here. Daryl is with me, he's with me and I hate it.

The gate is fifteen feet from the fence, twisted and mangled.

The bus is halfway up the drive, a truck against the underside. And so many guns.

Someone has broken into my home.

Someone is going to die.

Taz is upon the first shooter, blood splattering against his companion, who doesn't get the luxury of screaming before I'm slitting his throat from ear to ear.

These men were not expecting anyone to come in behind them.

Daryl and Merle are just crossing over the gate as I roll through the inner gates, dodging a stream of bullets, back striking a splintering panel of wood between Maggie and Beth.

Both girls have their eyes squeezed shut and are firing blindly in terror, tears coat Beth's lash.

"Not gonna help!" I hiss drawing my bow back to impale a man sneaking up on Merle.

"Shade?!" I'm tackled into the concrete hard enough to crack my skull against it.

"Save it." I groan pushing them back behind the pallet as another volley of bullets ricochet off the ground.

I sweep my knife off the ground, tackling a walker into the ground, my knees on its chest as we fall.

Daryl is struggling against a gunman and a walker in the courtyard.

"Duck!" I shout throwing myself onto and over a stack of random objects. Daryl ducks and I roll across his back, striking the gunman square in the chest with my boots so hard he bounces. My throwing knife finds a home in his windpipe as Daryl finishes off the walker.

I charge onwards back into the cover of the pallets. At least the girls are no longer blindly firing into the yard.

My hands begin to shake.

A small pack of walkers stagger towards me, ignorant of the holes being blown through them. Tearing flesh.

"Taz, sick." I call charging towards the walkers.

Taz darts between my legs and then off of my leg to give himself leverage and tackles the first walker into the ground. I bounce off the downed walkers skull and impale the second. The third is shot down by a stray rain of bullets that shred through my jacket sleeve. Taz and I roll into the fence.

"Girls shooter!" I snap pulling taz tail closer to keep it from being shot.

Daryl nearly dives headfirst into my lap as he dodges the bullets.

My arm is beginning to burn. I grab the collar of his vest. Pulling him closer. "God I want to hate you right now." I growl watching the sweat roll across his forehead, mat in his hair.

His stormy blue eyes swirl with adrenaline and confusion.

I crash my lips harshly into his. "Don't die." I plead breathlessly before finding a gap in the bullets and charging back into the Frey.

Maggie pulls away from her gun long enough to flash me a lopsided knowing smile I push her back down and run for the other side of the fence.

Rick crashes into it, a walker snapping at his face.

"I got it." Daryl appears beside me, Merle just behind.

"It's mine!"  I bark out, shoving off the ground.

Daryl lines up for the shot as I draw my own arrow, arching it over my head in one swift motion daryls shot wizzes beneath my elbow and impales the walker through the back of the head as my arrow pierces the top of its head, bringing it down and away from Rick still staring cross eyed at the bolt that almost pierced his nose.

My knees ache and my chest pounds with my heart.

I laugh breathlessly. "Jesus."

Daryl hoists me to my feet.

"Shade." Rick clears his throat pointedly, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

I pull away from Daryl and follow Rick away from the group.

"I understand you were upset, I get it. I lost my head loosing Lori. But if you pull a stunt like that again. I will kick you out, you endangered others and you endangered yourself. Am I clear?"

I nod tightly. "It won't happen again." My throat feels tight as I walk back to the tower, passing Daryl.

"Sha-" he reached for my arm. I pull away.

He follows me up the concrete steps, my heart is in my throat as I watch soot rub off the walls onto my fingertips. The smell of ash still clinging to the walls.

"Shade." Daryl rasps. Begs.

I curl in on myself in the center of my room, of my tower. Burnt down to nothing, any trace of color gone. My skin burns.

"Why is this so hard?" I whisper to the ashes.

"What?" He asks, so innocently harsh. "What the hell was that back there?"

I laugh, feeling the tears of two days of hatred burn away into steam. "God I want to hate you, I want to push you from that damn window, and at the same time I want to throw myself out it after you. You chose Merle. It doesn't surprise me, but it hurts in a way I don't understand. And I hate this-" I throw my hands into the space between us vaguely.

He catches my hands pressing them together he taps against the back of my hand. His entire body is ridged, responding to my confusion with so much god damn understanding.

"I hate this too." He whispers pulling me into his chest. "I hate the way I walked away, and I hate how much ya don't need me. Don't need this group, ya exist somewhere I can't understand. And I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel."

I pull my face far enough from his vest to look into his eyes. "Are you kidding? Look what I did because you left. You have no idea how much I need you."

He leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. "And I need you."

I press my face back into his vest. And sink into the silence of reality. Neither of us know jack about what we're doing, and that's okay.