Professionalism of a Teenage Girl

School

I may or may not be procrastinating my math homework.

So. I'm going to have a talk with you guys, and no, I'm not going on hiatus. If I were, I'd just fall off the face of the earth for 5 months.

For the last 4 months I have been locked in a hellhole we call school.

I've been locked in a fog of tiredness and irritably.

Because I'm overworked, stressed, and pressured for being judged well by my peers.

It's actually kind of funny how drastically different I am when I write and when I'm around my friends versus when I'm in school.

In school I'm quiet for the most part. Only speaking when spoken to, and I feel like now, I'm perceived as extravagant. Mainly because of the stuff I wear and as my friends put it "theatrical brooding," and "melodramaticness".

And I'm all of those things, but now, as I'm going through life and buried with work and faced with the question, "What are you doing with your life?"

I'm lost.

In more ways then one.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up– I don't know how other people see me, I don't know my gender identity or my sexuality.

I don't know what the future holds for me– I don't have any plans to get married before I'm 20 or have kids, or if I'm staying in the same shitty little town.

I don't even know what my mental state of mind is.

Sure, it terrifies me.

But I know, in 5 years, hell, maybe even next year, nobody is going to remember when you fuck up. And if they do, I doubt they care.

And I also know, that things get better– and somewhere along the line I'll figure everything out.

But right now, I've learned that life likes to throw everyone curveballs, and obstacles and a whole lot of misery.

You might as well take it as it is– because you can't do shit about it.

I've proven that if I hold my head up, I won't drown. And if you're demons can swim, you get a kraken and you slay those motherfuckers. 🐙

❤️Tails