Defiance (Harry Potter)

Chapter 11

    I walk up the stairs to my room completely numb. On the way up, the Marauders pass by. "Sky! We are just heading down to see if dinner is ready. Some strange man was in there earlier and we couldn't eat! Do you want to join us?" James asks. I shake my head. "Sky? Are you alright?" Remus asks. I nod. "She's probably just tired. I'll make sure she gets up to her room alright." Sirius says, grabbing my arm. The other boys shrug and continue downstairs.
    As soon as they're out of sight, Sirius kisses my temple. "Whatever it is, you'll be alright Sky." When we get to my bedroom, Sirius sits down on my bed and I sit beside him. "Okay. What's the matter Sky?" Sirius asks. "Sky? Come on, tell me." I lay down on my bed and hug my pillow. "Don't shut me out Sky." Sirius says. I want to tell him, but he wouldn't understand. I'll be all alone! After more fruitless attempts, Sirius puts his arms around me, pulls me up, and kisses me hard. I don't respond. "Please don't do this Sky. Please. I'm begging you." Sirius pleads.
    After a minute, Sirius lets me go. He stands and walks to my door. "Sky, I know we haven't been dating long, but I've liked you and been your friend for a long time. I was even sometimes nice to you when James wasn't. Doesn't that matter? I'm your boyfriend, for Merlin's sake! I've loved you since we were in first year!" That last sentence makes me bolt up. Sirius realizes what he's said, and his face goes red.
    "Do you mean it?" I ask. Sirius nods. "I love you. I have forever." I put my arms around Sirius's neck and kiss him. This kiss isn't like any before though. This kiss is passionate and full of love. We only pull away when we can no longer breathe. Our foreheads rest against each other, and we share breaths. "I love you too." I whisper.
    After sitting in Sirius's arms for a few minutes, I sigh. "Sirius, you have to go down there. They'll be wondering where you are." I say. Sirius wraps his arms even tighter around me. "I don't care." I sigh yet again. "We can tell them tonight. Please Sirius." Sirius looks like he's considering it for a moment, then he shakes his head. "No." I try to get up, but Sirius is having none of that. He pulls me back down onto the bed, and I fall on top of him. He rolls over so he's on top of me. "Gotcha." He says before beginning to tickle me. "No. Sirius! Stop!" I yell.
    Sirius stops tickling me after a moment, still on top of me, his hands rest on my waist. "I think", Sirius says, leaning down to my ear. " That I should probably go downstairs if we don't want your mum to find out." He whispers in my ear, making me shiver.  He puts his head back, although not by much, so our noses are almost touching. Without thinking, I reach up and pull his head down to mine. Our lips meet in a passionate kiss. When we pull away Sirius rests his forehead on mine. We're both breathing heavily. After a moment, our breathing goes back to normal. Then we hear footsteps.
    Sirius scrambles off of me, pecks my lips once, and starts to walk through the door. I hear my mother's voice. "Peter said Skylar looked ill. Is she sick?" My mum says in a bored tone. "No ma'am. She was just tired, so I made sure that she got to bed alright. My mother sighs. "If she isn't sick then she can come downstairs and eat dinner." She says walking into the room. "Skylar! Wake up you ungrateful girl!" I slowly stand up, and look at my mum. "Fix yourself." I sigh and nod. When she leaves, I pull my hair into a ponytail, put on some mascara, and go downstairs. As I haven't eaten eaten anything, I put quite a bit of food on my plate. Not as much as the boys, but more then my mother, who barely eats. "Skylar! You're eating like a pig! That can't be good for your figure! You cannot gain anymore weight!" My mother demands. "Yes mother." I say.
    I barely eat anything at dinner. Only a spoonful of potatoes and a few nibbles of chicken. Afterwards, I retire to my room, locking the door. I stand in front of the mirror, and lift up my shirt. I always considered myself quite skinny, but now I see the way my hipbones jut out, and the way my stomach sticks out. A single tear runs down my face.
    "Sky?" Sirius says, knocking. "Are you okay? The door is locked." I wipe away the tear and pull my shirt down. "Yeah. I'm fine." I say, going over and unlocking the door. "Do you really love me?" I ask Sirius. Sirius looks confused. "Of course I do. You're the first girl I've ever loved." He says. I look into his grey eyes. "You love me even though I look like I do?" I ask. Sirius looks shocked. "Skylar Mariana Potter! Yes I love you even though you look the way you do, which is beautiful, may I add. You're not ugly, and you're certainly not fat, if that's what you're thinking." Sirius says. I shrug. "Whatever."
    Sirius walks over to me in three long strides and kisses me. "I love you. I will always love you." He says. "Now you and I are gonna go face the wrath of James when he finds out we're together." I laugh.
    Sirius and I walk downstairs, not touching. We walk into James's room. "Hey James." I say. "Hey Sky. Hey Sirius. What's up?" James asks. "The sky." I say. Everybody laughs. James looks at Remus with a mischievous grin. They both run over and pick me up. "Why yes, she is." Remus says.
    "Anyway..." Sirius says when they put me down. "What is it, mate?" James asks. "I'm dating Sky." Sirius says quickly. That's when I run up to my room and lock the door. That look on James's face was the same look he used to get on his face before he used to do something awful to me. And then BAM! Full on panic attack.
    I sit in the corner of my room while images of the things James used to do to me rushes through my head. James has changed. A voice in my head says. He won't purposely hurt you anymore. It says. I try to calm my breathing, but then I hear knocking on my door, and James's voice. Then the panic attack starts again. "Sky? Sky!" James says, running into the room. "Close..... The....... Door." I manage to get in between breaths. That doesn't stop Remus from coming in. "Shut the door. And for Merlin's sake, lock it." James says.
    Remus kneels down next to me. "She's having a panic attack." Remus says after a moment. "Did something trigger it?" James asks. Remus shrugs, then nods. "That look you got on your face was the one you got before we used to... You know." James's face pales. "How long do panic attacks last?" James asks. Remus shrugs. "It depends." James nods. "Go entertain Padfoot and Wormtail." He says. Remus nods and leaves.
    "I'm sorry Sky." James says. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I was so stupid. You could suffer for the rest of your life because of me. I don't care that you're dating Sirius. I'm not mad at you, and I don't want you to be afraid of me. I love you and I'm sorry."
James continues, his voice cracking on the last word. Slowly, my breathing slows, and I wrap my arms around James in a hug. "I love you too."