Voices

p r o l o g u e

Dedicated to the amazing oflyng for making this gorgeous cover :)

"Surrounded by these forget-me-nots and second thoughts. And I want them to stop. Please stop." – Stop, Dalton Rapattoni

Sometimes, doing your best just isn't enough. Sometimes, no matter how many chances you have, no matter how much you try to do things differently, it will turn out exactly the same. The voices, the demons, the racing thoughts, it'll just drown everything, consume you from the inside out, making any effort to fight it seem futile.

The only thing she wished for more than ever was for the pain to stop.

But she knew it would never. After all, wishes were merely dreams, never meant to come true.

Rain pelted down from the heavens above. She clutched onto her black umbrella so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. Drops of rain slid down the umbrella and onto the concrete floor below. She closed her eyes, savouring the smell of the rain.

Rain, signifying melancholy. Sadness. Disappointment. Despair. But to some, it can also mean rebirth. A second chance. A new beginning.

"A new beginning. I wish. If only life were that easy," she mumbled; her voice was drowned out by the pitter-patter of the rain.

But it didn't matter. It wasn't like she meant those words for anyone's ears but her own.

It's not like anyone even took notice of her in the first place.

She threw her umbrella to the ground, and it bounced off, landing with the handle facing upwards. She stood in the centre of the rooftop courtyard, in the pouring rain. Tears escaped her eyes, rolling down her face, but it was quickly washed away by the downpour.

She walked up to the edge and sat down, her legs dangling freely from the four storey high building, bustling with life on the inside, while she was up there contemplating the exact opposite. Ironic, wasn't it?

She stared at the pavement below. Strangers carrying multicoloured umbrellas and wearing raincoats were walking the streets, going about doing their own things in their own worlds. No one noticed her sitting dangerously close to the edge of the rooftop. No one even so much as glanced at her.

The concrete pavement grew more tempting by the second. She could just launch herself off this ledge, and the sidewalk would welcome her with open arms, something no one else had offered to her in a long time.

What are you going to do? Are you going to end it all here? End all your pain and suffering? Or are you going to continue living the measly life you have and feel dead on the inside? The pavement seemed to taunt her in such a clear yet cold voice that tugged on her heartstrings.

It might as well be chanting jump, jump, jump.

She tilted her head upwards, allowing the rain to fall on her face for what could possibly be the last time, her soaked, brown hair falling onto her face, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered, not anymore. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair, sighing, desperate to figure out her next move. She was lost, on a road to nowhere. But she knew she had to make a choice, possibly the most important one yet.

It was supposedly an obvious choice. And yet, why was it such a hard decision?

She glanced at the dark screen of her phone that she was clutching in her hand, hoping someone had called or messaged her to check up on her, though there were none, a million thoughts racing through her mind.

She may be constantly surrounded by people, but she had never felt more alone. She was alone in a crowded room. She was screaming in the silence for someone to comfort her, to tell her that everything will be okay. She was pleading for help under the mask she was forced to wear.

But no one listened.

No one noticed her.

She was living in the shadow of everyone else.

She was invisible.

It started pouring heavier.

How fitting. She knew that if she did what her heart was screaming at her to do, no one would care. They would feel obliged to be sad for a while, perhaps even grief or mourn over her. Wasn't that always the case?

No one would miss her. If anything, their lives would be so much better off without her. She was certain of that. Everyone around her always assumed that she was made of steel, that nothing would break her.

How wrong they were.

They never bothered, not even for a second, to think about the consequences of their actions. They never thought about how the words they spoke could shatter her heart into a million pieces. She wondered if they even had a heart at all.

"I'm not as strong as you think I am," she muttered under her breath.

No one was ever there for her.

It broke her a little more each time someone she loved walked out the door. She used to be confident of who she was, who had high self-esteem, who wasn't afraid of being herself. But now? She had never been more insecure in her entire life.

And after the only person she knew loved her left her for good, she broke completely. And nothing could ever piece her back together. Nothing could ever mend her or make her the person she was before.

That girl was gone forever.

She stood by the edge of the roof and took one final look at the vibrant world around her that was slowly fading into grey.

To them, she was just another person in an overpopulated planet. To society, she was just a nobody, a burden, a failure. To herself, she was just the empty shell of the person she used to be.

She sucked in a deep breath of air and stepped forward off the rooftop. She tumbled through the air, feeling the wind against her figure, blowing through her hair.

She could almost taste it. Escape. Bliss. Freedom at last. She could almost feel it, feel everything slowly coming to a standstill, slowly coming to a stop.

The racing thoughts, her incompetence, her pain, her demons. Slowly fading away.

She was falling faster.

Faster.

Faster than she had ever fallen for anyone before.

___

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you like this chapter. So, what do you think of this? Do you think it's too much? Too long? Too short? How do you think this can become better? Also, based on this chapter, what is your impression of the story? I really want to know how you think of this so that I can make it better as I may want to join the Wattys 2016. Thank you for your time. Don't forget to vote and comment on this :)

For those of you who found this story through a means other than book clubs, how did you find Voices? Was it a recommended book? Did you search it up? If so, what words did you use when searching? c: (I'm doing a survey so it'd be lovely if you could answer this)

And yes, when I say Dalton I mean the American Idol guy