Voices

c h a p t e r 1 8 : c o n f u s e d

S a m

"I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed. Get along with the voices inside of my head. You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath. And you think I'm crazy." - The Monster, Eminem ft Rihanna

What's this feeling

I have around you?

I want more

But I can't have it.

You're trying to help me

Escape these monsters

But you can't.

No one can.

*

Louisa stands up, looking as though she's ready to run out of here.

You mean run out of your life.

She's too good for you, Sam.

Stop trying.

"No, wait. Don't go," I blurt, desperation laced in my voice, grabbing her wrist. "We can just sit here and talk all day, or just sit in silence, or we could go somewhere else. Whatever you want."

Please don't leave, Lou. You make me feel as though life will get better, albeit you have this darkness in you that I'm only too familiar with.

"But I'll just make you feel horrible," she says, like she's stating a well known fact.

"Please, just stay. If you hate me that much, feel free to ignore me as much as you want after this but please, just today?" I beg her.

She probably hates me now. She probably thinks I'm some controlling guy who doesn't know when to let go and move on. I won't blame her for that. I've given her plenty of reasons to hate me in the past minute alone.

What are you talking about, Sam?

She probably hated you since the moment you met.

She sucks in a huge breath of air and sighs, coming back to sit beside me. She sits slightly further from me, as if she's trying to build a wall between us, like she doesn't dare to get close.

She shouldn't.

You'll just swallow her up and bring her down with you.

"So, do you want to go swimming?" she asks, her voice shaking only so slightly.

"Why not, right?" I reply, trying to sound light and carefree. "We are by a waterfall after all."

She gets up, taking off her shoes.

"Wait, what will you wear?"

What kind of question is that, Sam?

She shrugs. "I don't know. Just this, I guess. I didn't exactly bring a bathing suit."

I laugh, trying to ease the awkwardness and the tension in the air. "Right."

I remove my shoes as well and put it beside me, far away from the water, heading towards the edge of the pool, beside Lou.

"It's so cold," she comments, dipping her foot into the water.

"Shall we go in together?"

She nods, as though unsure of herself. I reach for her hand tentatively and am just about to pull back when she closes her hand around mine.

"On the count of three?"

She nods again, but this time, more enthusiastically.

"One," I say, looking at her.