Voices

c h a p t e r 4 : s u n s e t

S a m

"I can still taste you like it was yesterday, making plans to rule the world. You were more than I deserved." - San Francisco, 5 Seconds of Summer

I remember that day we were sitting on the edge of the water, the ocean waves lapping at our feet, the warm sand beneath us.

I remember the feel of your head on my shoulder, the feel of your body in my arms, just us watching the sunset.

I remember the taste of your lips, of the sweet nothings we'd whisper, of the plans we made to see the world.

I remember it all.

But, do you still remember me?

*

I look out at the ocean that seems to stretch out into infinity, like it is endless, my legs dangling over the edge of the cliff, the waters far beneath my feet.

As I look into the blue and cloudless sky, I could feel a sense of calm and peace enveloping me, but at the same time, fear and panic rises up. The constant battle between calmness and fear, peacefulness and panic. I've been fighting this battle for so long, I can't even remember how it started.

You very well know how it started.

Who are you lying to?

I get up to my feet, my bare feet pressed against the sharp edges of some rocks. I take one last look at the serene ocean before walking back to the beach, where everyone in this town seems to be at today.

This cliff is the only place no one goes to. It's my secret place, the place I come to when I feel like the world is just too overwhelming.

We all know that it's not just your secret place, Sam.

We all know who you like to share it with.

I run my fingers through my hair, trying to clear my thoughts. But then again, when have I ever successfully done that? All I manage is to bury them deep down. But they resurface. They always resurface. How do you escape something that haunts you in your sleep everyday?

"Sam! Sam! You're back!" Stacey cries.

I look up, realising that I have already reached the beach.

I plaster a smile on my face," Yes, I am Stace. Ready to play?"

*

I pick up the wet towels strewn across the sand before passing them to Mom.

"Thanks Sam," she says.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?"

She shakes her head. "You've done enough here. How about you and your siblings go wait in the car. I'll be there shortly."

"Sure." I pause. "Want me to bring the bags to the car?"

"Yeah. Take those." She points to the two tote bags by her side while she folds the towels that I passed to her.

I nod, picking up the bags before going to the car.

It's nice to have a day out like this with my family. It's been a long time since we've been able to spend time like this. We've all been too busy.

But who's fault it that?

You've been distancing yourself from your family.

Who's fault is it really?

I stow the bags in the back of the car before getting in.

"Hey!" Sander exclaims as I teasingly push him to the side as I enter the car.

I chuckle, ruffling his hair.

"Hey!"

"I love you too, Sandy," I say, laughing.

I hear the car door open and look across, only seeing my parents get in the front seat of the car.

"Let's go home," Dad says, starting the car engine.

*

It's night now.

2:04am.

And I can't sleep; not that this is unusual. Not anymore anyway.

And who's to blame?

I wrap my comforter tightly around my body, not that it can get any tighter. My eyes trail the moonlight that streams in between the curtains. I don't want to close them. Because that is when the demons come to haunt me.

And who's fault is that?

And so I toss and turn for the remainder of the night, until my tiredness catches up to me. I drift off, unwillingly, where my monsters will be waiting to swallow me whole.

[A/N I'm sorry for making another of Sam's chapters short but, once again, I feel like the chapter should end here. I promise that Sam's chapters are going to get much longer soon. I also couldn't find the song on YouTube so sorry bout that. The track is available on Spotify though and it's in the external link C:]

[Update (29/1/16): I have decided to change Sam's sister's name to Stacey since a lot of you are confused]