Voices

c h a p t e r 2 4 : l e f t

S a m

"I'm trying hard to forget you. But my empty walls won't let me let you go. When you took it all, you forgot your shadow." - Shadow, Sam Tsui

You left.

I reach out

Trying to grasp you

Stop you from leaving

But you were already long gone.

You told me to forget you

But I can't.

The memories of you are already

Etched into my heart.

Where they'll stay

And I won't forget.

*

"Your parents just need to sign a couple more papers and you'll be good to go," the nurse tells me, saying it very slowly, as though I've forgotten to how to speak.

I nod. "Thank you," I reply nonchalantly, distracted.

According to my doctor, for a person who had a bad fall, on some sharp rocks no less, I got out lucky, especially since I could have fell into the ocean instead of landing on a ledge. I sustained a couple of bruised ribs as well as a sprained ankle and quite a number of cuts and bruises. But nothing that can't be healed with time.

The only thing that has been bothering me is Lou.

Why hasn't she visited me since I was admitted? Mum says she has, plenty of times, in fact, but I didn't see her, not once. I wonder if Mum is just saying that to comfort me. It can't possibly be the truth.

I can't blame her either. She has no reason to visit me.

Are you sure?

"Hey, Sam, let's go," Mum says as she enters the room.

"Yeah. Let's," I reply, nodding and getting to my feet, reaching for my duffel bag.

I can't wait to get out of this stuffy ward.

I'm sure it must've cost Mum and Dad a fortune to have me transferred to a private ward and I appreciate the lack of awkward conversation with other patients, but it still feels so confining, like these walls are an ever present reminder of my failure with Lou.

I'm certain that's the reason for Lou's absence.

She's trying to tell me that it's over. Whatever we had is over. If we even had anything in the first place.

It's not like you did.

She's just a summer fling.

But it felt like so much more than that.

You can't let your heart get the better of you.

Mum quickly heads towards the bed and snatches the bag from me. "Don't worry about it. I can carry it. You just focus on getting better."

I force a smile. "Thanks, Mum."

We head towards the exit of the hospital, Mum holding tightly onto my left arm, and make a beeline for the car. I get into the passenger's seat as Mum places my bag in the back seat before getting into the driver's.