Aggressive Me, Passive You

Chapter Thirty-Two

EDITED

Chapter Thirty-Two - Oh No, No, No, No

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Feelings—the emotional side of someone's character—crept up on me like a thief in the night. As I laid on my bed, with my hands rested behind my head, I realized that I had feelings for Hunter. I stared at the ceiling, shaking my head, not wanting for it to be true. I felt scared, but in a way I also felt giddy. There was this constant flutter of my heart every time I thought about him. Never in a million years would I have imagined thinking about someone like Hunter. He was the complete opposite of me in every way possible.

I had caught feelings for Hunter Worthington. 

It was the most stupidest thing I could ever do. Catching feelings for Hunter—a white boy who was good at everything he did—was terrible. How did I end up in this position? Why did I have to catch feelings for him? I had a pretty strong mindset on not falling for him like most girls did, and yet I fell for him. Sam told me I would, and I did not believe anything she said with one bone in my being. She was right all along. Her teasing that consisted of false accusations were not so false after all. She was absolutely correct about me finding Hunter attractive and she definitely was not wrong about me liking him. It came out of nowhere, though. I didn't understand.

I was not sure if I was more upset about catching feelings or the fact that I went against what I said I would not do. Whether this was a pride thing or simply a crush, I did not like it one bit. I wasn't in control of the situation. I didn't like that too much either.

I could not stop thinking about those dazzling green eyes of his and the way they complimented his tan skin. Not to mention his lean figure and wavy brown hair were enough to drive a girl crazy. I realized that those small glances his way when he was not looking was more than just a glance, it was a look of pure attraction. Why in the world was this happening to me? I did not want to have feelings for Hunter, not at all. I did not like the feeling of having feelings. I did not like the flutters in my heart when I thought about our hug we shared. I also did not like the small smile that appeared on my face when I thought of him having that stupid cheese stuck on his chin.

How did he manage to knock down my wall? I was not supposed to catch feelings for him.

I was afraid of these feelings and I did the only thing I could do around him when things got awkward, I turned everything into a joke. Why couldn't I turn this into a joke, as well? Why couldn't I laugh my way out of this?

Of course, I was not going to tell Hunter; it was too late because he was fond of Elizabeth—tall, blonde, and skinny, who he became the knight and shining armor of.

Actually, if I wasn't mistaken, tonight he was going on a date with said girl. He was going on a date and possibly turning his dream of being her boyfriend into a reality. He was making progress and I did not have an ounce of doubt inside me that they were going to be a thing in the next month or so. They were going to make it official and I would have to force myself out of these feelings that came so suddenly. Another tear escaped my eye and I harshly rubbed it with the bottom of my long sleeved shirt.

I wanted to scream in frustration and yell at the top of my lungs to let it all out. I was not used to feeling this way towards anyone, not like how I was feeling with him. Now that I thought about, all the jokes towards him and being mean to him, it was common sense that I liked him. I just didn't realize it—until it was too late. It was so late that he was already into somebody else. 

I was going to try keep my feelings from him away, stop hanging out with him when it didn't pertain to The Buddy Club, and try not to talk to him too much—like I used to—when I had to meet him in the library after school. I couldn't control my feelings for him, but I sure as heck could try to keep them at bay as best as I could. 

I turned over on my side, my elbow propped up on the bed, as I faced my blank wall. I stared at the wall, deeply thinking about Hunter. It was hard to not think of him; he had been invading my thoughts all day. His hair, his smile, his beautiful face, his great personality, and anything else good about him—which was almost everything.

I nearly cried again when I thought about how their date was going. He was probably being the gentleman that he was, holding doors open for her and pulling out her chair. And there was not a single thing wrong with Eliza, so I was sure she was also having the time of her life too. She and Hunter would make a perfect couple—white girl and white boy. I couldn't compete with a white girl, not if liking a white guy had anything to do with it. He was going to choose her anyway because she was just like him.

I could think of a million bad things and possibilities why Hunter would never date me. Not to mention, I was so un-classy when I had initially met him, now that I thought about it. I was rude, sarcastic, blunt, and I barely talked to the guy. There was not an ounce of respect in me when I first met him. Yeah, we were friends now, but it took us a while to warm up to each other.

What was I going to do?

Maybe I could go to the librarian and ask her if there was any way I could change my Buddy. If she didn't give me answers then I would ask Mr. Todd; he told me I was a bright student and just didn't know it yet, so maybe he could pull a few strings.

It was not as if I wanted to like Hunter because this was unexpected, but I had to do something about these unwanted feelings. I had to ignore him. If I didn't stop talking to him, then I could imagine how much my feelings would grow. Was this what it felt like to actually like someone? I wondered if people constantly worried about the person they fancied reciprocating any feelings back towards them.

Some people would say that ignoring the problem only made it worse. That meant ignoring my feelings for Hunter and trying to avoid him would only make my feelings for him grow stronger. I was in a predicament that I didn't know how to handle. It would hurt his feelings if I stopped talking to him without giving him a reason why because he was a good guy. He didn't have a reason for anybody to not like him.

Hunter. Hunter. Hunter.

His name loomed my thoughts, pounding in my brain, making my head hurt. Feelings sucked—there was no other way to explain it. Why did I have to find him attractive out of all the guys in my school? I just had to find a white guy attractive. I found Hunter attractive and he did not have anything in common with my background—he wasn't black. It seemed like liking him was the wrong thing, even though it was the twenty-first century and the color of people's skin didn't matter, it mattered to me. I just didn't know what to do or how to act about it. I couldn't stay calm about this situation. What would people think?

Damn you, Hunter.

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Alright guys, I've made you wait long enough!

IT'S ABOUT TIME—ABOUT 32 CHAPTERS IN—ANIYA FINALLY ADMITS THAT SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR HUNTER!!!

Merry Christmas Eve ❤️💚