51 Shades of Mumu

Chapter 15

    Everything had been such a magical blur after the talent show; I wasn't quite sure if it had something to do with Lydia's witchcraft, Benny's coke, or simply the fact that Zenphen Hale was such a god. 

    Actually, it was probably the last of the three.

    As I walked to school the Monday after the talent show, I thought about all the ways I could get in touch with my most recent passion. I even went as far as to compile a list.

    1. Ronan and Zenphen had chemistry (class) together

    2. Lydia could work some voodoo magic on him and make him fall in love with me

    3. I could drop my books in front of him in the hall

    4. Kigurl could scare him into going out with me

    5. Candy could seduce him into going out with me

    6. Benny could drug him into going out with me

    7. Andre could sass him into going out with me

    8. I could ask him to go out with me

    Given, the last option was rather ridiculous, but it was worth a try if all else failed. Step one would be getting into Ronan's chem class and hoping for the best.

*

    "Ho, if we're in the same posse, you've gotta show the swag master some luuuuuuv," a voice purred into my ear as I strutted towards Ronan's ninth period chemistry class.

    Way to throw me off my game, swag master.

    "WHAT?" I whirled around, fuming.

        Faeleb?

    "Well sorry," he said, emulating the most attitude I had seen from a guy since Andre. "You're a killjoy.  Have you seen Lydia by any chance? I'm trying—"

    I held up a hand and pushed past him. Now was not the time to help my friends with their pathetic love lives. Now was my time to shine.

    I strutted all the way over to room 648 and stopped in front of the closed door, giving myself a quick once-over. Neon rainbow Chuck Taylors, black sweater dress, matching black stockings, and a black scarf to pull it all together. Perfect.

    Hand, meet doorknob. Turn. Left foot, right foot, left, right, le—

    There. He.Was.

    Zenphen sat coolly in the very back of the class. He cradled a minuscule ukelele in his arms as he gave the teacher an amused look. I took another step into the room, taking in my future boyfriend. That hair. Those arms. Those fingers that were longer than my legs. How I yearned for them to ruggedly push through my hair. How I ached for those lips to kiss my sprained finger. To kiss me all over.

    "Yes?" A voice brought me crashing back to reality.

    "Oh, um…I kind of forgot to give Ronan something," I widened my eyes at my tiny friend, hoping she would catch on. The only thing in my hand was a notebook—my notebook—and we had to come up with something…fast.

    "Oh my God, thank you!" Ronan gushed as she rushed towards me and made a grab for my geometry notes.

    "I need those!" I whispered furiously.

    "I'm doing you a favor! Gimme!"  She pulled the book out of my grasp and retreated to the table she shared with her laptop. "Thanks!" Ronan called after settling herself in. She waved the book around for emphasis.

    "No problem…" I made an attempt to give my baby, Zenny, a seductive look. Hopefully it wasn't too much.

    To my great astonishment, he looked back at me and half-smiled. Granted, there was a tiny bit of drool making its way down his chin, but what was I to expect? I looked beyond nibblelicious today—Andre's words, not mine—so he was bound to react in one way or another.

    "Neigh," Zenphen suddenly whispered.

    All I could manage to do was smile before bolting out of the chem room. 

    This situation called for a healthy dose of Candy's advice.

*

    To my dismay, Candy was not home after school; neither were either of my parents. Ronan, the most sane out of all my friends, had a thousand and one projects to do, leaving me with the crazies.

    My first quarry was Lydia, who hastily hung up the phone after explaining that she was in the middle of some highly imperative dark magick. Yes, magick with a k. After that, I contacted Kigurl, who didn't even pick up; and Andre, who was too high to begin anything intelligible. Finally, I reached out to—and this was thoroughly pathetic—Faeleb. Strange, freckly, shorts-wearing Faeleb O'Shaughnessy.

    "Hi?" He picked up on the first ring and sounded a hundred times more sober than he ever did at school.

    "It's Mumu. And I guess this is kinda weird," I began, flopping down on my black bedspread and staring up at the picture of the smoking hot Hugh Hefner that I had stuck to my ceiling, "but I need help."

    "Uhm, okay…shoot."

    Wow. he conversation with Faeleb was going shockingly…normal. Had Lydia done something to him? "Well, um, I…"

    "You can talk," he laughed. "I don't bite."

    "Fine. I like Zenphen, not Hoytt and I don't know what to do. How do I get Hoytt to realize I'm over him? ow do I get to know Zenny better without coming off as creepy. You're a guy, what's creepy to you?  Tell me!"

    Faeleb laughed a little more. "I'm gonna have to de-swag you for not liking Hoytt anymore. But it depends. I don't even know this Zenphen dude. Just talk to him. Find out what you guys have in common.  He plays guitar or something doesn't he? Oh my God! I have an idea. I'm playing bass for the school play.  And Zenphen's gonna be there too. You should come and pretend to talk to Lydia…but really talk to you're little Zenny. How's that?"

    "Wow, Faeleb…that was actually kind of…" I was at a loss for words.

    "Swagalicious? I know. I get that a lot. I gotta go, though. Bye Mums!"

    "Bye Faeleb. And thank you!"

    Could things possibly get any stranger? Faeleb, who was practically the male version of Lydia, had just given me legit advice on how to get to Zenphen. As I stared at Hugh Hefner on my ceiling, I drifted off into a dream world in which Zenphen and sexy Hugh caressed me and never left me alone; never left me as prey for inadequate men.