51 Shades of Mumu

Chapter 20

    Not too long after our exciting sleepover was the Spring Concert. Hempstead High School did have a lot of school events, but I didn't mind. I liked them. It's at these events that the typical drama of my life originates, or spreads. I need this drama to thrive; without it, I couldn't possibly meet all these gloriously heavenly men and supply my endless thirst for testosterone.

*

    "EASTDINGLE, STOP TOUCHING ME!" Ronan yelped, producing her silvery, glistening flute up in the air like she was a student at Hogwarts, battling that hideous no-nose guy. No matter how much she tried to intimidate the burly, mop-haired blond boy sitting beside her, she came off as much more dorky than possible. "EASTDINGLE, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL—"

    "—ERMERGERD, YOU ARE LIKE SO TINY AND ADORABLE LIKE I JUST WANT TO PUT YOU IN MY POCKET AND CARRY YOU AROUND!" Sebastian Eastdingle bellowed in his faux-Valley Girl accent. He had to be one of the most feminine guys in school, yet he claimed to be completely straight. No one believed him though. Even Andre said his gaydar beeped immensely whenever Sebastian passes, no struts, by.

    It was approximately half an hour before the start of the Spring Concert, and all the music nerds were sitting around in the band room, chatting amongst each other while dressed in their finest clothes. I was part of the chorus, so I shouldn't be in here, but I couldn't help it; I was drawn to where the hubbub of the drama was.

   "Mumu, I can't stand sitting beside him! While we're onstage, everyone, I mean EVERYONE, is going to be watching! What if he humiliates me?" We both peered at Sebastian, who was slapping her thigh while quoting Mean Girls.

    "If you play the flute, and he plays the sousaphone...why are you two even sitting together?" I didn't know much about school bands, but I was pretty sure that those two should not be anywhere near each other, because of their instruments.

    "Yeah, but our music teacher's weird...he does this weird Feng Shui thing and like organizes us awkwardly..." She glared over at Sebastian. "And I have to sit next to this." She shuddered while staring at him. "But I guess he's fun sometimes..."

    "HAY FAY-FAY, GET YOUR JUICY BUNS OVER HERE!" Sebastian howled at Faeleb, who was one of the drummers of the freshmen school band. He was helping a pouty-lipped, adorable blond boy properly put on his tie. When he spotted us, he hurried over, leaving the pouty-lipped boy to stand in the corner all by himself, fonding his tie while mumbling "National Anthem" by Lana Del Rey.

   "What's up, peepos? Where's Lydia?" Faeleb bombarded. "Wait a second...Mumu, what are you doing here? You're not a part of the band!"

    "FAE BABE GIVE ME YOUR DRUMSTICKS!" Faeleb nonchalantly pulled his glossed drumsticks out of his back pocket and passed them to Sebastian.

    "She's scouting for some D," Ronan mumbled. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not; she looked more annoyed than anything. "Lydia is probably sitting in the auditorium. You can meet her before the show and—"

    "YEOW!" Faeleb suddenly yelled, jumping out of his seat. I looked over at Sebastian in horror, who had just shoved a drumstick in Faeleb's butt, quickly pulling it out before more damage was done. "What the fuck, dude? That was so not right!"

    Sebastian giggled proudly. Ronan whispered to me, "That was the gayest thing I have seen so far." As Sebastian and Faeleb bickered and Ronan stared curiously, I gazed around the room, looking for familiar faces, as well as new ones. I spotted Hoytt Quigley, who was picking pencil pieces out of that glorious afro of his. He noticed me and turned away, putting a knot in my stomach. You're better off, Mumu, I told myself, catching a glimpse of my first lover, Gorden Perlman, who was cleaning his teeth with a reed. I missed him dearly, but that doesn't matter now. I have a lovely, saturated boyfriend named Hyundai.