I'm Saying Goodbye

Chapter 8

He barely slept at all, every shirt he owned was now tossed on his bed or on the floor. He couldn't remember the last time he was this nervous, he wanted everything to be perfect.

He wouldn't lie to her, it killed him that she slept with someone else but he wanted to forgive and most importantly forget.

They both made mistakes, most of them his.

He would make her realize that, and he would level with her about his fears.

He finally settled on a light blue t-shirt, one he knew she liked.

Kim checked herself for the hundredth time that morning, she decided on a pair of skinny jeans and black v-neck shirt and a pair of boots.

She didn't know how he could forgive her but she hoped he would.

She pulled into the parking lot and spotted Adam sitting outside the restaurant on the bench next to the entrance. His head bowed and his hands covering his face.

Just the sight of him took her breath away, he was wearing her favorite shirt. The one that clung to his chest, as if it was made specifically for him.

He must have heard her car door or something because he was quickly approaching her, she had literally just closed the car door.

"Hi" Adam smiled.

"You haven't been waiting long have you?" Kim asked feeling bad that he had to wait.

He grinned, closing his left eye, "Got here at seven" he laughed, "I couldn't hang out at the apartment any longer"

She smiled, "I bet it's quiet without Al, huh?"

"You know it" he opened the door for her, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms.

The hostess greeted them, "How many?"

Adam held up two fingers, "Two please"

They followed her back to the table, smiling politely when she read off the specials and told them their server would be over shortly.

Kim could feel her legs jiggling under the table, surprised at how nervous she actually was, "Adam, I'm really sorry" she said as she leaned across the table her voice almost a whisper.

He shook her off, "Please Kim, you need to stop apologizing to me, I'm the one who messed up"

"How?" Kim asked him.

He closed the menu, he wasn't that hungry "By not being honest with you, by being distant, blowing off getting our parents together" he laughed at just how much had to apologize for, "for dragging my feet on finding an apartment, for making you feel inferior at work"

Kim looked at her hands, "Adam, I wish you would have talked to me" she told him, "it got to the point that I thought you didn't want to marry me"

The waitress appearing at their table, "You know we aren't that hungry" Adam told her pulling his wallet out and handing her twenty dollars, "I'm sorry" he held his hand out for Kim, "can we go somewhere else to talk?"

"Of course" Kim said, "how about the pier?"

"That's good, can I drive you?" He didn't want to let her out of his sight.

They found a bench away from the sparse crowds, "I need to explain to you what's been going through my head" he said,he knew it was irrational but it still scared the shit out of him.

She was the last person on earth that he wanted to hurt.

"You can tell me anything, I thought you knew that" Kim confessed.

He leaned back against the bench, "I know. I don't think I wanted to deal with it, dealing with it meant I could possibly lose you" he said softly his eyes brimming with tears, "I didn't want that"

Kim wiped her own eyes, "it happened anyway didn't it"

"Yea" Adam agreed, "but losing you made me realize what I had done, and what a dick I was to you"

"Stop"

"No, I mean it. I hurt you"

Kim grabbed his hand, "I think it's safe to say we both made horrible choices"

Adam dropped her hand from his and wrapped his arm around her shoulder drawing her close to him, "My parents Kim, they were a disaster"

She looked up at me, "you aren't them Adam"

"I know" he kissed the top of her head, "Let me explain myself, please"

"Go on"

"I was five when they divorced, it was ugly" he whispered, "didn't take long for them both to get re-married and divorce, and re-married again and again" he chuckled, "it's not funny at all but you almost have to laugh. As a kid it was miserable for me, I never knew if I was coming or going. I wasn't a priority for either one of them"

"You're close with your dad though, right?"

"Eh, our relationship is better for sure" he told her, "but we're far from close, I love him but he's a pig when it comes to women" he'd been embarrassed numerous times by his father's behavior.

Kim pulled back, "that's why you kept blowing off him meeting my mom isn't it?"

"Yea" he smirked, "your mom has been through a lot and I didn't want my dad swooping in and adding to what she's been through"

"Adam you should have told me all of this" she held his hand, "we could have worked through it together"

"I know that now, I was afraid I'd fuck up and ruin our marriage and kids" he admitted, "I guess on some level I decided it was better to just push you away then deal with my insecurities"

"Kids?" They had never talked about having kids.

"Yeah. You want 'em, right?"

Kim brought her hand to rest on his chest, "I do"

Adam hated to move but he needed to see her face, "Where does this leave us?"

He couldn't read her facial expression, normally she was an open book but now? He was in the dark as to what she was thinking.

Kim closed her eyes before she spoke again, "You can forgive me?"

Adam nodded, "Hearing Sean talk about you sleeping with his brother hurt, I won't lie. Being away from you, that hurts more" he explained, "So, yes I forgive you. Kim you're my world and I don't want to spend another second without you"

"You promise?" Kim asked, "you won't keep things from me? We will talk it through whatever it is, no matter how scared we are?"

"I promise, living without you has been hell on earth" he lifted her chin with his index finger "I love you Kim, always will"

"I love you too Adam" she smiled against his lips as they crashed against hers.

---NOTE---

One more chapter left, it's going to take some time for me to put it together so hang tight!

Unedited!