I owe you

I'm not the one you want me to be

Steve's POV

"How are they doing?" Clint asked and Natasha gave him a smile.
"They're great. Don't worry." Natasha said as Clint flew the ship. Natasha sat beside him in the front of the ship and I say further back by myself. Natasha had barley been talking to me since yesterday. She tried not to make it obvious for the kids and Laura but even they noticed that she kept a distance.
It bothered me. I had tried to confront her but she had just coldly walked away. I wasn't used to this. I don't know what to do in a situation like this one.
"Did you get Thor to sign anything?" Natasha asked Clint.
"I left it on Coopers bed." Clint said with a smile.
"That's cute. He obsessed about Steve as well." Natasha said and I looked up at the mention of my name.
"Did my boy bother you Cap?" Clint asked and I smiled.
"No. It was actually very entertaining. Especially his crush on Natasha. They even danced." I said smirking. Natasha didn't look at me but I could feel her death stare anyway.
She turned her face to look at Clint and I could see the right side of her face.
"There's nothing I can do. He loves me." Natasha said to Clint with a smirk.
"Not my son Natasha. You're going to hurt him." Clint said, half joking, half serious. He and I both knew the power Natasha had when it came to men. Both big and small.
"That's what I said." I said and I thought I almost saw Natasha look at me.
"I'm not going to hurt him. I'm going to do exactly what I did with you." Natasha said with a hitch of pride in her words.
"What? Wrap me around your finger and then slowly torture me?" Clint asked with a chuckle.
"I'm going to find him a woman wordy of him. Precisely as I did with you." She said and Clint looked at him with a smile.
"Someday I'll return the favour." Clint said and Natasha smiled a sad smile.
"We both know I'm better of alone." Natasha said and Clint didn't answer.
"But you could by me a cat or something.. But not until I've reached the age of 60." Natasha said with a chuckle.
"I'll buy you a dog." Clint said and Natasha frowned.
"I don't want a dog." Natasha said.
"Well, sometimes you don't get what you want." Clint said and Natasha smirked.
"Thanks for the lecture dad." She said and Clint chuckled.
"Clint, promise me. Don't go to war for us, for me. As soon as this gets serious, you'll have to go home." Natasha said seriously and Clint nodded.
"Promise. As long as you promise to be the maid of honour at Lila's wedding." Clint said and Natasha laughed out loud.
"You're worried that I'm going to hurt Cooper and you'll already given Lila's hand away in marriage?" Natasha said.
"No it's more about a promise to keep you around." Clint said seriously.
"I'm not leaving this time. I have too much to loose now." She said and looked straight forward.
"Good." Clint said.
"No it's not." She said and I took a deep breath.

Natasha's POV

I've been ignoring Steve for two days now. He noticed. He's annoyed. But it is for the best. Everyone who knows anything about me knows that the Black Widow and Captain America never would work. The deathly assassin and Americas hero? Nah, I don't think so. I'll have to do what I do with everyone that gets too close, push him away. Draw another line but call it a fence. It's for the best.
"We're meeting the other avengers at the base. We'll have to go through some data, we have some people registered, other will just be a lucky guess. But most importantly, HYDRA doesn't know we all are on to them thanks to you two." Clint said and I could feel Steve's eyes on me.
"How's your arm Natasha?" Clint asked and I raised my shoulders.
"It's fine. Well except for another scar to be but I guess another one wouldn't matter." I said as I remembered my shot arm I had payed no attention to these past days.
We flew in over the city and reached the base.
"Clear. Over." Clint said in his microphone and we landed.
I stepped outside and walked past Steve. It was extremely hard not to look at him but I managed.
"Natasha." Tony said when I got inside.
"Tony. How is your shoulder?"
"Better than ever." He said and I smirked. "We're meeting upstairs." He said and the three of us followed him.

I sat down at a chair between Clint and Thor. Steve sat down across from me. Smart move. Not he could stare at me until I looked back. Which I probably eventually would since I wouldn't want to grab anyone's attention.
Bruce and Pepper also sat around the table and Tony took a seat at the corner.
"We just found out Rumlow is out. He doesn't know we've found out and it will probably be easy to take him down." Tony said and some us got a surprised look on their faces. Some of us was Steve. I didn't though. It made since.
"Here's a list of people we know for sure it helping HYDRA, look it through and be prepared to take anyone down. Since we don't know how many more that is involved, we'll have to take those who fight against us down." Tony continued.
"But what if there not HYDRA? We can't just kill everyone who fights back." Steve said annoyed and I looked at him. Bad move. Couldn't help it. He looked back and I tried to move my eyes but it was almost impossible.
"If we aren't sure, we'll just knock them out or I don't know, shoot them in the leg." I said and Steve nodded.
"Fine. We plan on going to SHIELD headquarters tomorrow at none. We're attacking slowly and quietly not to bring up any attention all at once. Natasha." Tony said and looked at me, I looked back. "You're going in first. You know your way around better than anyone. Take down the once you can and then focus on Rumlow. We all will be going in one at the time. We'll have to pretend it's just an ordinary day of work. Cap, you're going with Nat." Tony said and I looked at him with disgust.
"I can't walk in unnoticed with Captain America beside me." I said annoyed and Tony just stared.
"He has to follow. End of discussion." Tony said and I shock my head.
"Why the hell are you in charge anyway? I'll be there." I said before I walked out of the room. I slammed the door behind me. It wasn't on purpose.
I stepped into the elevator and pressed my floor. I could hear footsteps and I pressed the button ten times more. The door was almost closing as a hand went between and the doors opened again.
Steve stepped inside and I rolled my eyes tiredly. He went inside and the doors closed.
"I don't get your problem." Steve said and I stayed quiet. I could tell on his tone that he was angry. When I didn't answer or look at him, he grabbed my arm. Exactly the way he had done when he kissed me. I looked into his eyes.
"Talk to me Natasha!" He said annoyed.
"What do you want?" I asked and he chuckled in a sarcastic way.
"What do I want? You know what I want." He said frustrated and I felt a tickle inside my body.
"Sometimes you don't get what you want." I said, quoting Clint. The elevator stopped at my floor and I walked out.
"Stop being so scared Natasha. I would never hurt you." Steve said behind me and I stopped walking. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around.
I felt anger bubble in my body.
"Don't you get it?!" I said as I wiped away his hand. "I'm the one who's going to hurt you."
"You can choose not to." Steve said and I laughed a little.
"I've never been able to choose anything. We're both better of without each other." I said and Steve smiled.
"Then why do I feel so drawn to you?" He asked and my stomach hurt.
"I'm very seductive. You've read about that in my file." I said as I began to walk away but he held on tightly to my arm.
"Bullshit. We both know you feel something for me too." He said and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I turned around and smiled a little.
"Listen. It does not matter what I feel or think. I'm a messed up person. I'm a bad person. I'm an assassin. I've killed people. People as good as you. And I've done it with a smile. I got too much red in my ledger and I'll never be able to wipe it all of." I said and Steve just stared at me. "I'm not the one you want me to be." I said and he shock his head.
"Yes you are." He said and his lips met mine. I felt an attraction to him I hadn't felt with anyone before. But I felt something else too. Something deep and terrifying. I pushed him away and he looked at me sadly.
"I'm not." I said as I walked into my room and closed the door.