I owe you

Comfort

Steve's POV

Nobody had seen Natasha for days. I know she needs time, just like I do. But I wished she would have wanted me around. To comfort her or to at least just be with her. But everyone who knows Natasha knows that she isn't one who's seeking for comfort. So I give her space. But there's been nights when I've thought of punching down the door to her apartment just to see if she's okay. It sometimes hurt to even breath as fast as I though of the baby. My whole body ached and I questioned it every time. How could you love someone that you've never met so much? But I did. I loved everything about that child without even meeting it. And I think that was what hurt the most. That I loved it so much before it was even born. I sometimes even dreamt about it. Natasha playing with the baby. A little girl with red hair and blue eyes. The smile Natasha had on her face was as happy as I had ever seen her. It's so unfair. It's so unfair that all that was taken from me. It wasn't Natasha's fault, of course. But I felt the desperation in my body. The longing of starting a family with her. I couldn't really imagine anything more wonderful. I'd give up so much for that.

I stepped to the door and knocked three times.
"Natasha?" I asked but got no answer. I didn't expect one. I didn't get one the earlier five days. I nodded a little and put my hands in my pockets before I sat down with my back to the door.
"I'll be out here if you need me." I said as I tried to make myself comfortable on the hard floor. Minutes became hours and my butt started to ache. I didn't care. As long as Natasha knew I was out here, that I was here for her, I'd gladly sit here for days.
I suddenly woke up. My neck ached a bit from my sleeping position. I stretched on my back a little and stood up, rubbing my eyes. It was in the middle of the night and I had been sitting there for at least four hours. I sighed a bit and looked at the door.
"Nat, I'm going to bed. I'll be there if you need me." I said and slowly began walking to my apartment. I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Natasha's POV

The first days were the worst. I thought about taking my life. Twice. I decided not to. I couldn't do that to Steve. Or Clint. Or myself. Steve had been sitting outside my door a few hours every day. I just couldn't talk about it. I didn't want to think about it. I had a hard time breathing. They say distraction is good but it didn't work. I even went out on a mission but the damn child was stuck in my head all along. So I did what I did best. Hide. I stayed inside with my feelings, letting them take over. I couldn't think of anything else to do. I heard Steve's voice a while ago, saying he was going to bed. When he sat outside, I most of the time sat against the door to. It made me feel a little better. When we were only inches apart with no pressure of talking. Just hearing his even breaths from outside the door made me calmer. But tonight, a few inches wasn't enough. I quietly slipped out of my room, walking with quiet steps to his apartment. His door was unlocked, just in case I would come I assume, so I stepped inside quiet as a mouse. The whole apartment was dark and I didn't bother turning on the lights. I made my way to his bedroom and there he was. He was laying sleeping in his bed. I smiled a little and my heart filled with longing of begin near him. Still, the sight was something I wanted to remember. I swallowed hard before I slowly took a few steps towards the bed. I carefully put my hand through Steve's hair and he woke up.
"Nat?" He whispered with a tired voice. He smiled a little and I sighed. He moved over a bit and I laid down beside him. His arms went around my body before I even had put my head on the pillow so I put it on his chest instead. His heartbeat was slow but normal. I felt his hand in my hair and I put my arm over his chest, holding on to him tightly. I didn't even have to tell him that I didn't want to talk about it. He knew. He understands. Instead he pressed me a little closer and whispered:
"I have missed you."
I smiled a small smile as my heart was filled with a little joy again.
"I've missed you too." I whispered back as I took his hand in mine. He squeezed it a little and I slowly fell asleep. The pain was more clear when he was near. But he was also the only one who made me forget it for a while.