Things I'll Never Say

Losing Track of My Mind and Time

The rest of that week seemed to go by without a problem, and the next week, and the next. Every morning, I'd wake up to the sound of Mike getting ready for work in the bathroom; and every evening at exactly 5:00, Mike would come home and interrupt everything I was doing with a kiss, followed by asking how my day was. The whole thing was almost so fairytale-like that I began to question whether it was all really happening, or it was just a dream of how I wished things would be.

I was grateful, but still, something within me felt the urge to question everything regarding his behavior. Every time, my thoughts would lead me back to that day when we were in the doctor's office, and how much his behavior had changed by night when Mike drove me home from the police station; and I couldn't help but think it was all a little strange. How could he go from being so angry with me, to being so loving and remorseful less than 12 hours later?

Then again, this wasn't the first time this all had happened. It seemed like every time we got in a serious argument that ended in violence, he would act all nice the next day like nothing had ever happened. So the next few days would be really nice and how I expected our marriage would be, only to eventually all crumble down again and have the cycle repeated. It was times like these that brought my hopes up that maybe everything will work out. But, unlike how things usually go, Mike actually apologized this time and admitted he was wrong. He never admits he is wrong. Instead, he just gets me something or makes me feel special. That's always been his way of saying he was sorry, until now. And maybe that's why I started to become really optimistic that week after the incident. Maybe that's why I decided I could trust him again and make this work. I thought that things were looking so good that this might be at the best part of our marriage and we had finally climbed over our biggest challenge we'd face; maybe I was wrong.

"Bye, Dem! I'm leaving!" Mike called out from downstairs.

"See you tonight!" I responded, still getting ready for the day.

With that, I heard the front door close and the house was silent once again. Good thing, too, because I wasn't feeling too well and I wanted some time alone. I started making my way back to bed when all of a sudden I felt like I was going to be sick, and made a sprint right back to the bathroom, bending over the toilet. Almost immediately, I threw up, leaving an awful taste in my mouth and an overwhelming gross feeling.

When I felt the feeling pass, I flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink, rinsing out my mouth as best as I could. Looking in the mirror, I realized how awful I looked. I was surprised Mike hadn't said anything to me that morning.

I quickly dismissed the thought and went downstairs, too hungry to go back to sleep. Looking in the pantry, the jar of Nutella caught my eye, and I realized how strongly I was craving it. I grabbed the jar and then pulled out a knife from our drawer of utensils, sticking it right in the jar.

Taking a seat on the couch, I took a giant scoop of Nutella and licked it off the knife as I turned on the television to see what was on. The first thing that popped up was ESPN, probably from Mike watching it last night, so I began flicking through channels, trying to find something that would more interest me. I was planning on watching something on the I.D. channel or Discovery, but something caught my eye on the local news before I could get to it. And what I saw shocked me.

"Police reports say there is a new investigation behind the bribery of an officer by local businessman, Michael Johnson. Little detail is known now, but it is said Mr. Johnson escaped charges for a serious crime, rumoured battery, by paying up a large fee to one of the officers. If you have any information reguarding this case, please contact the local police station. More news when we come back."

I turned off the television and stared blankly at the screen. The images from the security camera of Mike at the police station making deals with another man was enough to drain the color from my face, sending nerves to the pit of my stomach. How could Mike get caught for doing something like that? They couldn't really be making an investigation after my Mike? After all I did to protect him...this couldn't really be happening.

Maybe I had just imagined the whole thing. I was really tired and not feeling too well. I mean I never got sick and I definitely never had major cravings for Nutella; Nutella was Mike's thing. Maybe I was just coming down with something and the stress of Mike's sudden change in attitude this past month was getting to me. Yeah, that was it. I hadn't had the chance to talk about any of this to anyone since I had no friends in town. I just need to get out; that'll set my mind straight.

Taking one last scoop of Nutella, I made my way back to the pantry to return the jar, and then to the sink to drop the knife in. Looking out the kitchen window, I noticed it was nice outside, perfect weather for a walk. So, as Mike had nothing scheduled for me to do for him today, I decided I would go upstairs and get dressed to take a walk outside, maybe head out to the store or something.

I looked in my closet, trying to find something decent to wear outside. I found a pair of red shorts and decide to pair it with a black v-neck and some converse. Besides clothes for the fancy dinners Mike would put on, I didn't have much else that was deemed socially acceptable. But, my clothes were comfortable, so I couldn't complain too much.

Grabbing my purse, I went back downstairs and strolled out the front door, locking it behind me along with all that was on my mind. Immediately, I began feeling free and relaxed. No one was watching over me and I had nowhere that I needed to be. For the first time in a while, I could just be.

Because we were short on a few things, I decided to stop by the grocery store first and pick up what we needed. Mike had me go shopping a few days ago and I still had some money left over that I didn't give back to him. With his good mood this past month, I learned to take advantage of every bit of it. If he wasn't going to ask, I wasn't going to tell; and I pushed the limit every chance I could because I knew it wouldn't last.

When I walked into the grocery story, I noticed a sign for free flu shots, today only. Regretting that I missed last season's flew shot and ended up getting the flu, I jumped right on the opportunity. It was an open clinic with three chairs and only a couple people in line, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to go; plus, like the sign read, it was free.

I got in line and immediately a nurse came over to me, asking if I would follow her and take a seat at her station. Sitting down in the chair, I watched as the nurse picked up a clipboard and attached some fresh sheets of paper on it, grabbing a pen as well.

"Okay, I just need to ask you a few general questions before I can administer the shot or mist to you, whichever you prefer," she said cheerfully.

I nodded and smiled, letting her know that I was okay with it, before she continued saying,"I need to know your name, age, date, approximate weight, insurance, and some other things that are on this sheet. If you could just fill this all in, that would be great."

She handed me the clipboard and then went away, cleaning up her station and getting out new supplies as she waited for me to fill out the paper. The sheet had all the things she said along with allergy information and other minor things that didn't really apply to me. It took me only a couple minutes to fill it out before I handed the clipboard back to her. The nurse scanned the sheet before speaking again,"Oh, it seems that you missed one part. I need to know whether you are pregnant or not."

Immediately, I responded,"Nope, I couldn't be."

The nurse looked back up from her clipboard and followed up by asking me,"Are you sure? We have to be certain if you are taking the mist. When was your last period?"

I racked my brain, trying to remember the date after feeling completely brainwashed from a hectic morning, and responded moments later saying,"the 8th."

"Of what month?" she asked, jotting something down on the paper.

"July."

"Demi, it's August 18th."

Like the cliffhanger? Haha. Let me know what you think in the comments; feedback means the world to me! I hope you're enjoying it so far!