A/N Hey guys! So I've made a new cover for this fic, which I hope you like - I love it! Anyways, I think that this story only has a few chapters left, but I kinda don't want it to end.
Anyways, enjoy! Xxx
"What happened to the baby?" I ask, dumbfounded as the shock creeps in. My hands grab at my stomach, and I stare at both Four and Sam, who look down, upset.
"Tris, I'm so sorry." Sam says, and Four rushes out of the room, hand covering his mouth. My mouth gapes open. How? How can I lose something so precious to me?
"Just tell me what happened." I say, the emotion clear in my voice, that is weak from the lack of use it had when I was in the coma.
"So." She clears her throat awkwardly, holding my pale hand in hers, "When you fainted at the meeting, you collapsed because the baby was putting too much strain on your heart. We brought you in, where we discovered you have a heart condition. We couldnt save you both, and we tried to deliver the baby by caesarian section, but it died after only an hour. It was too young. Too frail." Sam looks away, tears streaming down her face. "This is all my fault. I should have been more thorough with your scans. I could have spotted it. I was too late; I'm sorry."
I choke on tears, lost for words before I pull her in for a hug. We wrap our arms around each other, and I tell her it wasn't her fault, that she isn't to blame.
The only one to blame is me. Me, who has a crappy body who can't even support a tiny baby, and then remains unconscious when it needed me most.
This is all my fault.
When my mind focuses once more, I don't know whether it is minutes, or even hours which have passed. I stretch my legs over the side of the hospital bed, ignoring my body's feeble complaints as I pull on my gown and walk out of the room. I don't know where I'm going, my mind and body are bound with numbness and the only sensation I have is the gaping abyss of loneliness that I feel in my chest, boiling me up and churning my insides into a mush of numb pain. Not even Four can look at me anymore, the disgusting, pathetic woman who killed his child. I don't deserve him anyway.
I realise I have found my way onto the roof, and the cruel, icy wind coats my body, piercing the thin gown that does little against the winter winds as I stand on the edge, watching the city writhe and crawl beneath me.
I have missed so much. When I was awake, it was early autumn, and the crisp, auburn leaves coated our beautiful garden. I missed seeing the seasons change. I missed watching the golden sunsets in the city sky. I missed holding Four's hand and kissing his soft lips.
But most of all, I missed seeing my bump grow. In the time I wasn't there, it would have almost doubled in size. I would have had scans and pretty ultrasounds to tape to our walls. I missed the kicks and hiccups that would have sent our little family into glorious raptures of joy and giggles. My baby was born and dead before I even found out the gender.
That is something I will never ever get to experience again.
I could end it all.
I could be with my baby.
"TRIS!" I hear Four's voice cry out, piercing through the hollow of self loathing I am selfishly wrapped in. I turn around to see him, holding out his arms to me, the tears dripping down his face. I can't end it. He would have no one left.
With small steps, I walk towards him, his arms outstretched. I get within touching distance, and stumble, crying out in pain. He catches me in his strong arms, bringing me to the floor as we clutch eachother; we are the only thing left for eachother now. With a slow sigh, he brings me back in, and lays me in bed with an extra blanket, handing me tea for the shock and going to get a doctor.
Within moments my peace is disturbed, and doctors surround me, wrapping me in silver blankets and muttering things about hypothermia and ct scans and sedatives, before something is injected into my arm and the world begins to haze over once again, engulfing me in the impenetrable darkness of sleep.
