Oblivious Hearts (Phan)

Chapter Twenty Four

Word count: 1036

"So sorrow is shared by being poured, from one vessel into another"

- Thomas Hood

It was only 5pm but it was winter so the sky was pitch black. Eventually Dan pulled into an empty parking space on the side of a country road on top of a hill somewhere about ten miles from Tommy's house. He shuffled into his jacket and stepped outside into the bitter evening air. He walked a few paces forward and then slid onto the car bonnet, the chilly metal biting at his thighs but he hardly noticed, he was once again numb because of Phil.

He lay down on the car and stared into the evening sky. There were no buildings or housing estates near so the stars were not drowned out by artificial light.

So Dan, he thought. What do we know to be absolutely true?

One: Phil has been in relationships with women, and only women before.

Two: Phil had an abusive role in those relationships.

Three: Phil says he loves me.

Four: Phil says I can trust him.

Five: Phil is a liar...

The stars were twinkling in the deep velvet blue above. They didn't feel pain. They didn't feel fear. They were so far away...

Dan gave his head a little shake and narrowed his eyes in concentration. He knew what he had to do. Apparently Phil had been trying to tell him for ages. Okay, deep breath Dan, let's go back to the beginning...

"Do you trust me?" Phil's voice floated through Dan's memory from that first afternoon, which turned seamlessly to evening, only now he knew Phil had been too curious as to the ease with which Dan had trusted him, perhaps he was sending him a warning. More memories followed this. "I know how stupid and dangerous people can be and I don't want to see you get hurt." Dan felt sick, now he knew Phil hadn't just been talking about Craig, he'd been referring to himself as 'stupid and dangerous' too. "You can trust me, Phil" Dan had said. "I know," Phil had replied. But Phil hadn't been worried about trusting Dan, he was worried for Dan trusting him, because he was dangerous and didn't trust himself. "That was the first time I've ever made love to someone." Dan kicked himself. Of course! Phil had been in many relationships before and it wasn't uncommon for people to have sex with someone they didn't love, but that's not what Phil had meant. He was telling Dan something else. "Dan I'm seriously fucked up." Something much darker. He'd never had sex with someone he loved, because he'd only been with people he hated. "I want to care for you and protect you from any harm that might come your way, and I can honestly say I've never wanted to do that for someone before." People he viciously punished and probably pushed them to the verge of dea- Dan sat up straight. The student's dead aunt... She had to have been one of the women Phil attacked. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to talk about it. [...] It was just easier that way, for both of us" Did he kill her? Was Phil the reason she was dead? "We were sort of together. But not in the way you are imagining. Well... Sort of." The reason Shaun suffered? Did Shaun know? "I can't really tell you right now." Was that why he was so terrified of Phil? "We weren't even that close."

Dan took a deep breath through his nose, the cold air burning as it was sucked in. "I can't do this anymore." Dan said. He slid off the bonnet and climbed back into the car, still not realizing how cold he was. He switched the car radio on and turned the volume up to maximum, trying to let the music fill his mind and wash away the thoughts of Phil. Dan gripped the steering wheel and lay his head on it, his forehead between his hands. Then he screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

All the fear, the pain, the shock culminating into one ball of noise escaping his lips, mingling with the music and getting lost in the sound. His lungs cried for oxygen, his throat cried for relief, his heart cried for Phil.

The stars looked down on the poor boy so full of sorrow and winked him a promise that one day he would join them in the atmosphere, drifting through time and space as dust, getting lost in the oblivion, no longer feeling pain.

Dan dragged his hands down his face, his nails grazing his fragile skin leaving angry red lines in their wake. The anguished screams bubbling away inside him, the ones that had been building from the first seed of doubt Phil had planted there finally managed to claw their way to the surface and now they had no plans of stopping. The animalistic cries ripping through Dan were lost in the night and drowned by the music but he still felt them in his soul, rattling his bones and tearing away at his sanity.

Images of Phil with blood dripping from his fingers into a puddle on the floor flashed through Dan's mind. Phil with a vicious smile smacked across his once gentle lips. Phil with eyes dark and red, locked onto his prey, an evil glint vowing to inflict unjustified violence and pain on the innocent woman curled up on the floor. A dark room with only a splinter of silver light, which caught the movement of a hulking shadow looming over a bloody corpse, raising a knife to slash open yet more flesh and spill the blood of a woman onto the already sodden floor, the life pouring from the body with each wave of the crimson river.

The music still throbbed in Dan's ears but his own chorus of shrieks no longer joined it. His body was prickling with the goosebumps surfacing under his frozen skin. His bones were aching and locked in place. His mouth was slightly open with the shadow of an agonized scream still etched on his lips. His eyes were open and wide in shock and horror. He knew he could never go back to Phil, could never trust him again.

It was over.

They were over.

Hehe.

T x