Oblivious Hearts (Phan)

Chapter Thirty One

Word count: 2125

Dan, confident that Phil was in fact still alive, pushed open the door to Phil's bathroom and turned on the tap to run a hot bath for Phil, whose body was damaged and dirty. Dan didn't really know what to do to look after Phil, but he was filthy and probably starving hungry so he decided to clean him up and then feed him. This also provided Dan's idle hands with something to do other than fidget.

He poured some bubble bath under the running water and let it foam and grow on the hot liquid. He walked slowly back towards Phil, feeling jumpy from the night and nervous as to how Phil would react to his return once he'd calmed down.

"Dan, why are you here?" Phil said, pain etched in every line of his frail face.

"I'm here to say sorry. For everything." Dan said quietly, dropping his gaze to his fumbling fingers. He didn't have the courage to tell Phil what had happened yet, seeing the fragile state Phil was in already gave Dan no confidence in putting more crippling information on Phil's already over-laden back.

Instead, he took Phil's hand to lead him into the bathroom. Phil tried to stand but once he was on his feet he swayed dangerously and collapsed into Dan, stumbling an apology.
"It's okay. You don't have to apologise." Dan carefully put an arm around Phil and took his chin in his free hand, tilting his face to meet Dan's. "I forgive you Phil. Let me look after you." Dan saw a flicker of the familiar sparkle ignite in Phil's eyes, shining with hope of true forgiveness.

Phil was very light headed and weak, unable to keep himself upright without help let alone walk even the short distance to the bath. Dan placed a soft kiss on his cheek and, holding one arm behind Phil's thinning back, used the other to scoop Phil's legs up under his knees and carry him into the bathroom, sitting him on the edge of the tub.

Phil stared at Dan as he slowly started to undo Phil's filthy shirt. "Dan," he whispered, upset and disgusted with himself. "I don't want you to see this. I don't want you to touch this..." Phil muttered.

"Let me help you. Please. I want to." Dan said, leaning down and placing another gentle kiss on Phil's forehead, not wanting to push him but knowing Phil was unable to undress and bathe himself. He managed to remove Phil's shirt and jeans fairly easily, Phil standing up and using Dan's shoulders to steady himself whilst he stepped from the puddle of clothes at his feet.

Phil went to unbutton Dan's shirt but he shied away quickly. "What's wrong?" He asked, concern breaking over his cracked, hollow face.

"Nothing, I-I just don't need to wash." Dan replied, again looking down at his fumbling fingers. In reality he wanted to rip off any parts of his skin that Craig had touched but he didn't want Phil to see his violated body, sure that Craig's fingerprints were still scorched onto his skin for all to see. Dan was a marked man now, he would forever be labelled as used and undesirable.

He helped Phil step into the bath, turning off the tap and watching as Phil's pale skin prickled with goose bumps as the heat of the water at last returned some colour to his ghostly white cheeks. As Dan squeezed some shower gel onto a sponge to wash Phil he thought about the last time he bathed Phil, how it had been because of Craig and what he'd done to Phil. Last time Phil had needed comfort and looking after, but this time Dan needed help too. If he could love Phil past everything that had happened to him and see that, really, it didn't matter what someone had done to him because he was still Phil, then maybe Phil wouldn't push him away for being a marked man either. Dan dropped the sponge in the bath, and with his eyes closed, his body cringing away from the exposure, he stripped his clothes off and let them fall to the floor. He stepped in the bath facing Phil this time, needing to see his beautiful eyes burning with compassion and comfort.