The Diary Of Hazel (Diary Series #1) | ✔

☆ Hazel's Diary Entry #5 ☆

|| Willow Bradley (Uncle Will) at the top, played by the gorgeous male model Sam Merrell! *heart eyes* ||

Date: 24/01/16, Sunday

Time:  12:39pm

Dear Mister Diary,

You know how I mentioned my dad in the 'P.P.S' section of my last entry? Well I think that now is a good time to talk about it.

I should probably start at the beginning, when everything went downhill for our family.

One year ago - Exactly one year ago today, my Aunt Dahlia ( My dad's side) was in a car accident, and killed on impact. 

My dad was the one driving.

They had all been out together - with Uncle Will too - at a bar in town, catching up since my Aunt was visiting from her modelling job in Spain (For some cosmetic range, I don't know). She was young, only 25, the baby of the three as dad was 37 then, and Uncle Will would have been 27.

So anyway, dad was supposed to be the sober driver, but he ended up drinking a little, convincing everyone that he was fine when the other two suggested taking a taxi home.

But dad was right, he was under the alcohol limit and legally allowed to drive, it was the other driver who was at fault. He was on Ecstasy and swerved from his lane, onto dad's, driving head on into them, into the passenger side; Where my Aunt was sitting.

Uncle Will broke his left leg, and got some major whiplash - which dad got too. But the only serious injury done to dad was to his heart and mind. He's always blamed himself, he doesn't like talking about about it and he thinks he deserves to be punished.

It wasn't his fault, the jury on the case said so, but he doesn't believe that.

He's been wallowing in guilt for a year and today will be worse. He's been drinking more lately, and I don't think there's anything I can do to help. Because how could I? I'm just a teenage girl, all I can do is watch.

Watch as he falls further into the dark abyss of self-hate, self-blame, anger, and survivor's guilt.

He's always, always angry, and I don't completely know why but he seems to target me the most. I have a fair idea though from what Uncle Will told me a while back.

"You remind us of her." He had stated so simply, pushing my hair out of my eyes, and pecking my forehead, "For me, it's nice, it feels like she's still lingering. It feels like I haven't lost my baby sister completely when I look at you. You were always more of another baby sister to me than a niece."

I had smiled and went to speak before he shushed me.

"I'm not finished." He chuckled, shaking his head fondly before his expression became sad, "For your dad, he hates the reminder. It reminds him of his mistakes, his anger, his guilt. Even if he shouldn't have those thoughts or feelings, they're still there and we can't help if he won't accept it."

"So he hates me then?" I was crying silently by then. I never meant to hurt anyone, especially my dad.

"No, always keep what I'm about to say in your head when he takes it out on you; He hates the reminder, he doesn't hate you, Hazel"