red hair and a blue hoodie // ed sheeran

Chapter 30 - Showers and Worries

ED'S POV:

I had walked into the kitchen with my phone in my hand and typed in Stuart’s number into my phone. His text was very urgent. I held the phone up to my ear as I listened to the phone connect to the line, the robotic nature of it always disturbed me yet I didn’t know why.

“Ed?”

“Yeah what’s up mate?”

“Can you call me back in about half an hour? All of management wants to talk to you.” His voice was starting to scare me.

What would all of management want to talk to me about?

“Am I in trouble?”

“Ask me in half an hour and I will know.” A few muffled words were heard. “I have to go Eddy – I will talk to you soon” and then he was gone. I dropped the phone from my face and held it loosely in my hand.

What was that about?

I made my way back to the kitchen, padding down the narrow hallway. I was shown Zo, still sitting at the island bench. Her foot was tapping on the foot rest and her fingers were tapping in a sequence on the table top.

Pinky finger, ring finger, middle finger, index finger. Pinky finger, ring finger, middle finger, index finger.

Her facial features showed that of concern and … was that worry? What would she be worrying about? Her face lit up however when her ears picked up on my steps.

“Ed?” She queeried.

“I’m right here love.” I responded calmly, reaching my spot right in front of her. I pushed my hands up on her knees, snaking around to the outside of her thigh, rubbing gently with my thumb. She was gnawing on her lip now. I rested my forehead against hers and she pushed back. 

“Why are you so tense?” I questioned.

“I just realized something.” She whispered back. “And it is going to make for an awkward moment for the both of us.”

I stood still and prepared myself with a giant breath. “What is it love?”

She rubbed the back of her neck and tilted her head down, removing it from my own. “I kinda need to sort of maybe have a shower.” Then she paused, taking a breath and launching into a fast paced speech. “I didn’t have one last night and I feel so self-conscious about how I look since…” She slowed, “since… I can’t even see myself.” Another pause which was followed by an awkward laugh and one last statement. “Plus I can smell my own stench.” 

The fact that she was so blunt about it made me chuckle. I knew what she had to do so I lifted my hand up and grabbed one of hers. She flinched at first from my sudden and clearly unanticipated movement but then squeezed back, a small smile on her face. “Did you want to use mine Zo?” I questioned.

“It will be easier for you that way I guess.”

...Easier for you…

She wanted me to help her in the shower. That explains why it makes it an awkward situation for both of us. How did I not catch on earlier? I could feel a small flush creeping up the sides of my neck as my mind wandered in directions it really shouldn’t. I shook myself of the thoughts as a wet dog shakes off water but like a wet dog, not all the water comes off. I led Zo down the hall to my bathroom as she tapped her cane in front of her, gaining awareness of her surroundings.

It didn’t take long until we reached my bedroom door which led to my adjoined bathroom. We walked through the doors and towards the cold tiles where I closed the door behind us for no particular reason. Maybe to try and keep all of the disturbing thoughts away from me. I turned back to Zo to see she had rested the cane against the wall. There was about a metre and a bit in distance between her and the shower right now.

It was a very spacious bathroom with the headlight still managing to highlight every crevice. I rested my hand on the small of her back as we moved towards the shower together, step by slow step. She held her arms out in front of her, waiting for the feeling of shaded glass beneath her fingertips. They found it and I watched her slide her delicate fingers over the surface of the shower.

“Can you turn it on for me?” She asked.

“Sure.” I leant in passed her and turned the knob, the water gushing out in a strong spurt. She jumped at the sound of it but then settled. I stuck my hand under the water, trying to get it to a good temperature. “How’s this?” I asked. She reached forward and let the water spritz her skin. 

“Perfect.” She whispered. “Umm... Could you turn away for a second?” She shyly urged. 

“Oh! Yeah, sure… Sorry.” I turned to the door. I heard the crumple of clothing hit the tiles as she shed her layers. I grabbed the towel from next to me and held it over my shoulder. “Reach towards my voice love – it’s a towel.” It took a while but soon I felt her hands rest on my shoulders, slowly following the length of my arm to my hands where the towel was being held. Everywhere her hands trailed, left a burn in their wake.

Soon the towel was pulled from my hands and I waited. After a short while, she cleared her voice, signalling for me to turn around. I did so and found her near the rushing water, the towel pressed flush against her figure. It wasn’t exactly a large towel so I had to avert my eyes from the amount of thigh that was showing. I stuck my hand under the water again and wish a reassuring nod that I soon realized she couldn’t see I placed my hand on hers and led her closer to the stream of water.

“There you go Zo. Just call if you need anything.” Then I left. I closed the door behind me and walked out to the dining room. I collapsed down at the island bench and rested my chin on my hands, elbows pressed down on the cold, hard top. I focused on my breathing which had suddenly become very rapid. What was I so worried about? 

She is too perfect for you Sheeran. Your flaws will push her away. Your addiction will come back. You can’t look after her. She deserves better. She deserves better than you.

Thoughts rushed through my head like a wild leaf in the wind as I ran my fingers through my tangled hair. What was I going to do?