white on white [sequel] ✔️

s i x

REALiti ~ Grimes
Swan Song ~ Lana Del Ray
The Sound ~ The 1975
•••

It's not a dream. It happened.
It's not a dream. It happened.
It's not a dream. It happened.

The soft ballpoint of the pain continually curved with each letter. The slow flowing ink was turning from ill formed letters to swirls upon swirls and before I knew it, the lined paper was barely visible through the ink.

One hundred and twenty days.

I wrote the number at the top of the page but quickly scribbled it out and wrote what it really felt like.

An eternity later.

I was never one to be dramatic- in fact I tended to underestimate what would befall me. But recently, things had only changed. Everything had changed once again and I had been taken from once again without even being aware I was being taken from.

Sitting up in my bed I had gotten accustomed to being in, which now had navy sheets to replace the image of blood covering his white shirt, I ran my left hand through my tangled hair which I hadn't managed to clean properly due to a reoccurring memory.

Socks hitting the white tiled floor, I began making my way to the door of my juvie cell.

Outside of the small window, patients of all ages wandered the halls. I was lucky to still be admitted to juvie. Jail would've not been anymore pleasant.

It had been three months and the only times I had left this room was to be taken to group counseling or to my own therapy session with Jack. He had been a gem at accommodating my needs throughout this process.

Outside the window was the rest of world- everything that has happened and everything that was happening. I was eighteen and I couldn't help but wish I was out doing the same things as my peers were right now. The spring season had befallen and all the chat I heard from outside was the mock prom being held at the juvenile facility. I was betting there was commotion and chatter due to the fact that the nearby female wing of the institution would also be attending the prom.

Not as good as the classic high school dream but it's better than nothing right? Not like I'd be attending anyway.

Readjusting my stained grey undershirt, I padded back to my bed and sat on the side. Thinking over how I'd spend the rest of the school year in juvie made me give up all hope on getting a proper education. My tutor Chris had began by bringing me books and assignments to do but after a week he failed even that as he was usually either too intoxicated or hungover to give a shit about my future. He was witty though.

Hearing the lock turn on the metal door of my quarters, I sat up straight and expected the usual adult of some medical standing or official to come in but instead I saw the immediately familiar blonde hair of Caspar Lee.

"Hi."

"Hi."

He looked around awkwardly before shutting the door and clicking his tongue to soften the tension that had come to be in the room.

"I came to check on you."

"I'm fine."

"Okay cool."