Emison- 5 Years Without Her

Chapter 6- What Are We?

Alison's POV:

I woke up in warm arms. Then everything came to place. My eyes shot opened and looked down. I was naked, and I was in her arms. My room was a mess. Emily's arm is around my waist with our fingers intertwined.

What have I done? I slowly and carefully got myself out of her hold and got up. I looked at my self and I looked absolutely horrible. I put on sweatpants, a bigger sweatshirt, and put my hair in a messy bun. After I was don't changing I started to pace around with a million questions going through my brain.

Are we together now? What about everything she put me through? Will she do it again? Does she even love me?

I kept pacing until I hit my leg on the corner of my dresser.

"Oh shit." I said rubbing where I hit it.

"Ali?" I hear. Her morning voice was so sexy. I froze. I slowly turned around. I saw Emily up from the bed and putting her clothes on.

"H-hey" I said.

"Hi. Um do you want me to make you breakfast?" She said.

"Um..." I trailed off. I was thinking of so many things at once. My thoughts were cut off by her touching my hand.

"Ali what's wrong?"

I stood silent and started walking down stairs. She followed and grabbed my hand again, this time I stopped.

"Ali..?"

"Emily. What are we? Like what is this?" I asked.

"Well what do you want us to be?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I want is to be anything. I don't know if I can go through what you put me through if it happens again. I lost my self when you left. I was paralyzed. I don't even know what I'm feeling, let alone what you're feeling. Like can we really do this again? Am I supposed to just forget everything and act like it didn't happen? I don't know how to process of any of this here."

"I know. And i'm ashamed. I don't know who the person was that broke your heart. They must have left, because it's not me. Not me now." She said, looking at me and I know she could see the uncertainty in my eyes. "Look, I know you haven't forgiven me. And I'm not expecting you to. But I would love it if we could get to a place where we can start again. With a clean slate. Let me show you that I won't mess up this time." I just looked at her. I didn't know what to say, I still had a million things going through my head.

"Was it really that bad?" She asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"It was a different level of pain I don't think anyone is ever ready to experience." I said. She nodded her head grabbing my hand signaling me to continue, as we both sat on my couch.

"Well. I did feel paralyzed. You were my rock. We had been through so much. Not just me and you but with all of the girls. I know we're all messed up in different ways from the hell we've been through, but there's always the weakest link, and believe it or not it was me. I was really fucked up from it all and I didn't even realize it. I thought I had everything under control when I was with you. Like nothing could really be that bad. And it's like when it all happened, I didn't only lose you, but I lost myself. I was dependent on you, I will admit. And when I try to... ya know.. end it, it wasn't because you left Emily. I promise. It was because I was so angry at myself for not being able to get a grip on my own of reality and what needed to be done. I thought I wasn't able to make myself happy without anyone's help, but with time I learned that I could. When I tried to kill myself I wrote a note. It's burned now. But it said.... Do you want me to tell you?"

She nodded her head with tears falling from her eyes.

"It said; "I'm sorry I didn't say, my heart was messed up there is no healing it anyway." I had to clear my throat because I could feel it giving out due to the tears.

"Before I could do it, Hanna walked in and stopped me. She saved me in that moment Em, but i know in the end I saved me. I learned to separate the heartbreak I felt from you from my own internal struggles that I just blamed you for. Which is something I don't think Hanna realizes. She still blames you for what I tried to do. And yes, our situation may have led me down the wrong path, but it was on me for how I handled it."

Emily looked at me shocked, tears in her eyes and some slowly falling down her cheeks. She looked down for a minute to collect her thoughts, then cleared her throat. I looked up at her and saw her straighten her posture, and squeeze my hand harder.

"Ali I am so sorry. I do have to say though I'm so proud of you. You're not the weakest link Alison. You're the bravest person I have ever met. You were able to actually understand the things you were feeling and use all that understanding to find a way for you to get better. And that's truly amazing. But please know, I do love you. You have to believe me when I say that. And you have to believe me when I say I'm sorry. I didn't know you went through. If I did I would have came straight back. I'm sorry Alison."

"It's ok. I'm fine now. 4 1/2 years clean." I said. I gave her a smile and grabbed her other hand. She was sorry. I could tell it in her eyes. She does feel bad I can also tell that she loves me. And I love her too.

She leaned in and gave me a hug. I hugged her back tighter. It felt so good to be in her arms again. When we pulled away I wiped her tears and she kissed my forehead lightly.

"So Em. What are we?" I asked.

"Whatever you want us to be. But no matter what you label it as, i am yours." Is all she said.

"I'm yours too." I said leaning in to kiss her. I felt her smiling in our kiss. Our kiss was long and passionate. Once we pulled away we made break fast and ate. Later on we watched a few movies. After about a few hours I had to ask her something.

"Em?"

"Yes ?"

"Do we tell the girls?"

Emily's POV:

Do we tell the girls?

"Do you think we should?" I asked.

"Um. Yeah. How about tonight we can all sleepover here." She said.

I kissed her on the cheek.

"What ever you want my love" I told her. She blushed. After she told me about the note, I my heart broke. I never want to hurt her. And I never will ever again. I see Ali grab her phone and text the girls

Once she was done she put her phone back she came next to me.

"I'm going to call in sick tomorrow. So I can be with you guys. "

"Ali you shouldn't do that its your work." I said. I don't want her to be taking time off her job for me, or the girls.

"It's ok I was going to do it anyways because the girls wanted to go out tomorrow." She said. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. She put her head in my shoulder and I kissed her forehead. All I could think in my head was:

God I love this girl.

Sorry about how short this was y'all! Better chapters coming soon I promise!