Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

5: Will It Look The Same

George returns quickly, his hands full of drinks he had snagged from the small outside bar Nick has set up, tossing Matty his before collapsing into his seat, causing the furniture to creak alarmingly in the process, but nothing breaks, thank god for that.

Matty is still trying to pull himself back together, the shocking, but also not unexpected mention of Gem hurting him more than he thought it would, and yes - Matty knows he's acting like a teenager who just lost his first love, but in a way, that's what he feels like.

Gemma wasn't like his other girlfriends, he had actually thought they had a chance to make it, or something like that. She was the first person he could see himself being with for an extended period of time, but that's all over now, and although Gem swore she still cares for Matty, she's been perfectly clear on the fact that she doesn't want to get back together with him anytime soon.

"I shouldn't have made you come out," George speaks up suddenly, dispersing Matty's thoughts with his apologetic tone. "You're really torn up about this whole thing aren't you?" George adds on when Matty remains silent, taking a large swig from his beer afterward.

Matty stares at George's adam's apple as he swallows instead of his face, not wanting to meet his best friend's eye just yet. George will only read him like a book if he does.

"You would know," Matty scoffs, trying to make light of the fact that he was two seconds away from breaking down in public a few minutes ago, "you've been dealing with me for the past week."

Matty grasps the new bottle George procured for him, opening it quickly without even bothering to look at the label, trusting that George will have picked out something at least halfway decent.

"Still..." George sighs heavily, his foot nudging against Matty's thigh as he readjusts his position, "you typically bounce back by now, but not this time. She's different...you really loved her huh?" Matty cocks his head to the side, confused by the odd tone of George's voice, but in his current state, he isn't able to decipher it.

"I -" Matty halts himself before he can finish his sentence. Now that he is faced with the question in plain words instead of inside of his head, he isn't sure what he feels for Gemma.

She is a wonderful girl - that's a given, and Matty certainly has very strong feelings for her. She is attractive, smart, kind, but does Matty love her? Sometimes he thinks he does, but he always imagined that falling for someone would be different, that he will experience those butterflies everyone talks about, and sparks, and that intense desire to never leave that person's side.

Matty hadn't encountered any of those sensations with Gemma, not that it was a bad thing, but now that his head is swimming with liquor and Matty is properly looking back on their time together, he realizes that Gemma was more of a gorgeous friend that he fucked than someone he could envision marrying, contrary to his earlier sentiment, but whatever - Matty is allowed to change his mind.

Love is important to Matty - essential even, but at the same time, it always seems to be this ethereal, uncapturable feeling.

Matty can write songs about it, but if he is being completely honest with himself, he isn't sure if he has ever truly been head over heels for anyone, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself that he felt that way about Gem.

And if Gemma truly is the one for him, Matty thinks things would have been different between them; he wouldn't have been so tempted to cheat if he was one hundred percent happy with Gem in every aspect, he wouldn't have let her walk out of his flat without more of a fight, he would have maybe considering postponing the tour even, but he hadn't done any of it, and that in itself speaks volumes.