Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

14: The Emptiness

The first few weeks of touring are as chaotic and dizzying as Matty expects them to be, maybe even more so because of the band's recent jump in popularity, and Matty loves every minute of it - mostly.

He's kept busy constantly, whether with something as minute as sleeping while the bus takes them to their next destination, to performing for crowds of screaming fans that continue to amaze him with their enthusiasm for what he does, to interviews, to after-parties, and all the other small nuisances that come with a life on the road.

Matty's always running to the next event, never stopping to catch a breath, and that's how he likes it. It helps him stay sane in a way, because with his mind so preoccupied, he can't twist himself into painful knots that leave him wanting to tear his skin off of his bones.

He also doesn't have time to think of how he still misses Gemma and the ache she's left behind in his heart, and that's definitely a positive in Matty's opinion. He's tired of moping about, he did enough of that during his week-long stint at George's place.

He still cries himself to sleep the first few nights, but George has somehow programmed himself to wake up when Matty's distressed, even if Matty's being completely silent. The second George's familiar weight pushes the mattress down, Matty's tears dry up and he drifts off without any difficulty.

Lately, Matty's emotional wounds have been healing - either that or he's too exhausted to bother with sobbing after giving his all to his shows. He isn't reminiscing on what he and Gemma had nearly as much as he would if he was home, so it's only when he is hit with something that reminds him of her or he sees her name on his phone that the ache in his heart picks up again.

That's not to say that he isn't granted a few moments to himself, which typically occur after the show is over and everyone heads back to the hotel room if there is nothing else better to do, which is when the tears begin pricking at his eyes again.

George is usually with him then though, and when Matty's near him, the breakup doesn't pain him nearly as much. This thing they have going on between them hasn't changed their friendship at all, leaving Matty to feel slightly silly since he was so worried that it might.

His fears aren't completely unfounded, because sex has ruined so many things for Matty before - never with men, but with his women friends in the past, which explains why he doesn't have many of them at the moment. Matty has the bad habit of slowly becoming attracted to people once they become close to him, but when the relationship progresses to a carnal one, it always seems to fall apart around him.

He can't let that happen with George though - it would destroy him. Matty needs George more than oxygen, more than water, maybe even more than music, and the loss of him would kill Matty quicker than a bullet to head ever could.

Thankfully there is no sign of damage within their bond yet - actually, Matty might even go so far as to say that they've grown closer instead of pulling apart. George seems to know exactly when to turn on and off that aspect of their lives, and once it's over, he doesn't bring it up or want to talk about it, he just goes back to pretending that everything is normal.

Matty's previous casual hookups had never been able to maintain that balance, and Matty isn't the type of person who ignores them after a night between the sheets, especially considering that they were typically friends first - fans didn't count, but George manages to switch from best mate to fuck buddy on a whim, and Matty is borderline enthralled by the contrasting personalities contained inside of the person he once thought he knew so well.

George has surprised him at every turn. Matty honestly wasn't sure how he was going to react to being with another bloke, but obviously he's at least bisexual. George barely has to snap his fingers to have Matty morphing into a quivering mess, which is impressive to say the least - startling even.