simply sincere • a tronnor au ✔️

chapter twenty four

"Kiss you?" Connor asked, face full of shock. He finally looked up at Troye. "Kiss you? No!"

"but you just said...?" Troye was confused. Connor just said he wanted to kiss him, right? Then why wouldn't he want to kiss him now?

"I know what I just said, Troye. I'm not going to kiss you, not now at least." Connor explained, throwing a hand into his hair. "I don't get you, Troye."

His previous statement of Troye being an incomplete puzzle was proven to be true once again. Troye almost seemed desperate.

"What do you mean?" Troye asked, taking a seat on Connor's bed. His eyes were still red and puffy, yet a never cried. Not yet at least.

"I mean," Connor tried to figure out how to explain to Troye what he has already explained countless of times before. About how he keeps crawling back to Joey when Joey is nothing but a dick to him. "I've already explained this, Troye." Connor sighed.

"Explained what? Joey?" Connor just nodded. "I know you don't like the relationship between him and I,"

"Don't like it? Troye I fucking hate it!" Connor exclaimed. He was tired of treating Troye like he was walking on broken glass. it was time for Connor to rip off the bandaid, again.  "You realize he's a dick, you break up, tell me you like me, kiss me, then get back with Joey?"

"Connor listen,"

"I'm not done." Connor sneered. "Then you say you don't like me, realize Joeys a dick, break up, then tell me you like me again. Troye it's an endless cycle that needs to stop." Connor huffed. Troye didn't realize how repetitive his actions were until Connor put it into words. Perhaps Joey wasn't the only one being a dick.

"Connor, I didn't realize," Troye tried to explain. He hated that he did this to Connor. He really did like him, but something was holding him back.

"Just answer me honestly," Connor breathed, the tone of his voice going down a few notches. "Do you actually like me? or was it just so I wouldn't feel bad?"

Troye wasted no time answering Connors question. "God yes, Connor. I really do like you."

"Then what's holding you back?"

Troye sighed. He knew that Connor would never understand him unless he told him why he was acting like this. Truly, his past isn't as bad as he made it out to seem, but it was enough to make Troye think he deserves someone like Joey. He thought that if he really tried hard enough, it'd all work out in the end. However, it didn't seem to be working that way.

"Steven Chbosky once said 'we accept the love we think we deserve.'" Troye started out. Connor raise his eyebrow in confusion, but he let Troye continue on.

"When I was younger, 9, maybe 10, my uh, my dad cheated on my mum." He began to explain. He had only told this story a handful of times, but each time it seemed as if it were more difficult to explain than the last. "but they never ended it, they stayed together."

"why?" Connor asked.

"Because my mum thought she deserved it. She thought she was a bad mum and wife, but God, Connor, she was anything but that. She is so caring and loving," He hated this. He hated his family past. He knew he'd be so much happier if his parents split like Connors, but they didn't.

"Moving forward 7 or 8 years, I started dating Joey, as you know." Connor nodded, waiting in anticipation for answers. "And in the beginning of the relationship, I was such a bad boyfriend. I'd blow off our dates, I'd avoid him in the halls,"

"Why would you do that?"

"Studying, mostly, but also because I was afraid of judgement." He confessed. "I had only just come out to some friends at that time, only a select about of people in the school knew about my sexuality, so I was scared to hold his hand in the hall."

Connor started to connect the dots, but barely. So far, he understood very little. However, it now made sense why Troye stood up for Connor when Shane said Connor was a wuss for not coming out.

"So when I felt like something was going on, I stepped up my game,"

"You knew Joey was cheating on you?"

"No not really. I mean, I thought he was going to break up with me, so I made myself a better boyfriend."  Troye took another deep breath before continuing his story. "Anyways, when I eventually did find out about Joey cheating on me, my instant thought was to end it right then and there. Even though I love him."

"You think you love him," Connor corrected, holding up his finger in protest.

"Well, that's why I got back together with him. I mean, look at my parents! They're in love despite what happened 7 years ago! So I figured that I'd give it a second chance, and maybe, just maybe Joey and I could have the same thing."

Connor huffed. He hated this. He hated that Troye thought his parents were in love. Connor was at the Mellet house before, only for an hour or so, and he could tell something was off.

"Troye, I've said this thousands of times before. Love is stupid. You can say you're in love with someone when you've only known them for a few days. It's fucking fake, Troye. I thought my parents had this Unbreakable bond, never ending love, but look at them now!" Connor was fed up with the idea of love. His parents ruined that for him. "And if love is real, what you and Joey have? Yeah, that's not love."

"My parents managed to build a well put together family, even though my dad wasn't loyal at all."

"Troye I hate to be this person," Connor breathed. "Your family is so fucking distant."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you and your siblings never fucking talk. You dad treats your mother like a maid, and she puts up with it because she thinks she deserves it." Connor explained. He was waiting for Troye to yell at him, shout that Connor had no right to assume such things.

But he didn't.

Because Connor was right.

And Troye didn't want that for his relationship.

So instead of fighting back, he sat back, placing his head in his hands. He let out a choked sob. This was now the third times he had cried in front of Connor.

Three times more than he's ever cried in front of Joey.

"Tro? Troye i didn't mean to make you cry," Connor soothed, jumping next to his friend. He lightly placed a comforting hand on his back, rubbing small circles.

"No it's just, you're right," Troye sniffled. "Th-thank you,"

"You literally have no reason to be thanking me, Troye." Connor giggled, placing his hands in the air as if he surrendered.

"No, no I do." Troye explained. "I've told only a few people, and they all just comforted me, saying that it'll get better. You're the only one who was honest with me."

That broke Connors heart.

"I'm only looking out for you, Troye. I care about you so fucking much." Troye smiles up at Connor, immediately wrapping him in his arms. Connor just smiled, weakly placing a kiss atop the mop of curly hair placed upon his chest.

Things were finally going up hill for them.

Yet, of course, that has to change at some point.