One Life Stand

Epilogue

Dear Camila,

Pretty formal, huh? I'm not sure exactly how this is supposed to go, I've never broken up with someone who I love, let alone over a letter.

Before I go on, I don't want you to ever look back on this and think of the whole letter thing as tragically beautiful because it's not; it's a perfect example of me being a coward. So don't tell people about the good in me and how good the run we did have was, please tell them what a complete douchebag I was and how completely idiotic I was to leave the love of my life.

By the time you're going to read this, I'll be gone. Bags packed, room cleaned, and sleeping arrangements made. The girls don't know I'm leaving and they don't know where I'm going so please don't blame them for any of this. Thank God you guys decided to go shopping and thank God I'm a pro at faking a headache. I wouldn't have been able to face you.

I wish I had a better explanation for all of this, I wish I could've seen it coming. I wish I would've had some grand, gradual realization instead of some pathetic abrupt one.

I've spent the last three years giving myself to you. I've gotten over commitment problem over trust issue because I knew it would all be worth it. I didn't believe in true love before you and though I guess I'm proving myself right in a way. You made me believe in a lot of things. I can definitely say I lived a fairy tale for a while with you, and I was completely convinced you were my 'one life stand'.

-Flashback-

"Do you remember on our anniversary the couple next to us was speaking French and you told me how romantic you thought it was, even though I was convinced they were talking shit about us?" Lauren asked.

"Yeah," Camila giggled.

"Well, I've been doing some research because I've realized something in the last little while and I'm not sure there's a better way to say it than this. "

Camila bit her lip and nodded, waiting to hear what Lauren was going to say. Lauren got nervous, her fingers became tingly and her palms got sweaty. Her heart felt heavy and her throat felt like she had just swallowed knives.

"Je t'aime. " Lauren said what she had been practicing, even before their fight.

"Okay, that was incredibly hot but I have no idea what it means," Camila said, taking her lip between her teeth once more. Knowing Lauren, it was probably a joke or a witty pun.

"It means I'm completely enchanted by you. I love you, I'm in love with you, beautiful." Lauren chucked. "Okay, it doesn't mean all that but I tried. I love you."

-End of Flashback -

I know you were joking when you suggested we get married today. We've mentioned it before, I distinctly remember you and I joking around about who would propose but the entire time I was fully aware we were joking. Today, I guess it slipped my mind that you were joking.

It was weird, we were discussing what to do once we graduated. We joked about how our friends are finally moving in with their significant others, how you and I have  been living together this entire time, and how at this point, the next step is getting married. Camila, I always pictured us together. We were perfect for each other, we knew each other better than we know ourselves.

My views on love changed temporarily but I guess our conversation today triggered something in me, my real feelings and my real fears. I can't get married, and I especially can't marry you. I can't go through the heartbreak, I can't lose you and not have any control over it. I don't even know how I'm going to do it now.