Recovery Road (boyxboy)

Chapter 5

(Ruki's pov)

You wouldn't believe how depressed I am. People are still talking about that video, sharing it everywhere. The original video has been taken down from Isamu's blog, which I am 10% happy about. The 90% of me is being unhappy because it is still out there. Even nasty pedophiles are commenting, saying that they would want to see me in person and Fuck me.

I don't want that.

I don't want this.

I don't want this life. I hate it. I can't stay in peace. My parents haven't seen the video just yet, thank goodness. If they would've saw that horrid video, I think I wouldn't be able to live anymore. Just thinking about it, makes my skin crawl. Makes my nerves bad. So bad I just can't breathe.

My condition is so bad, I haven't been going to school for a week. It's a good thing that I have friends who care about me. They've been coming over, checking on me to see if I was okay. Kouyou has witnessed me cutting myself badly. He had bandaged them for me and now I wear super long baggy sleeves to keep them covered and away from my parents's and sibling's eyesits. My suiciudal thoughts have increased so badly, I was actually ready to stab myself with a kitchen knife, but Yuu saved me from that incident. I remember crying in his arms. Crying because I'm in this situation I cannot forget about nor can I get out of.

I finally come back to school. There was a minimum amount of people ridiculing me. I tried my best to ignore them.

During this entire month, I was to myself. I keep away from my friends, not participating in class, but doing work. I was put out of a few classes because of my outbursts and crying.

"This isn't like him..." I would hear my friends say. Again, I ignored them because I was too hurt to even talk. It was silent at the lunch table. They just kept looking at me. There was something wrong with me. It wasn't good at all. I got up from my seat and left the cafeteria, throwing away my food, keeping my fountain soda, and going straight to the top level of my school. That level of the school was one of my favorites to go to. It was quiet and peaceful.

When I finally made it up there, I went towards the gate and sat down in front of it. The lukewarm and cool breeze brushed past my face and blowing my hair. I breathed in the fresh nature's air and exhaled. I just wish life was like this everyday, wonderful breezes, peace and quiet, and less people being ass holes.

Later on in the day, my last period class had started. I sat by myself at one empty group of tables. Yutaka was in this class, but he sat with the other geeks (not to be offensive)  I used to hang with. They had called me over a couple of time, but I refused. We were all given an assignment. I just looked at my paper and didn't write anything. I felt this feeling...i couldn't do it. I have never felt like this. I could not focus. I then, started crying light tears. My heart was racing terribly fast and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Takanori, your work isn't finished." My teacher walked to my table. I didn't respond to him, I just kept quiet, looking down at my paper. "Takanori. Are you okay?"

"Leave me alone." I said quietly. I didn't want to be bothered. My head started pounding and I was clenching my jaw. My teacher wouldn't leave me alone. He knelt down beside me and placed his hand on my arm and I flinched a bit.

"Takanori, what's the matter with you? Do you need to see a counselor?" he asked in a soft tone. I didn't respond to him. I kept my eyes on my hands and my fists were clenched. He finally got up. "Takano--"

"I said leave me alone!" I raised my voice and got up from my seat, storming out of the classroom. I went straight to the boy's bathroom and sat down in front of the door. I hugged my knees to my chest and thought about what I have done back there. I yelled at my teacher and now I'm probably going to get some type of behavior notice to my parents. I honestly don't care, but I kind of do because my parents are pretty strict when it comes to getting behavior notices from my teachers. They know I'm a great kid, but I'm not perfect.