My Son's Best Friend

Chapter 12

  I lie there staring up at the ceiling with a closed smile, "Mommy why are you parking in the candy cane?" Tyler asked me as I parked the car in the mall lot pulling up in a marked space. 

"No baby, you mean handicap," I chuckled at his innocence.

"Mommy why are you parking in the candy cap spot?" He asked again still not understanding at the young age of five. 

"No silly, it's handicap and we're in the special spot just for mommies not the handicap," I laughed again correcting him one more time.

I could barely remember the things I did on a regular basis but my memories of 15 years ago played in my mind like a broken record when it came to Tyler.

My little boy always finding a way to brighten my day. I missed him so much as my lids began to water remembering back when I could do no wrong in his eyes. 

Even though he was now in his twenties he would always end a phone conversation with I love and say the three words whenever he had to say goodbye, even if he was leaving for only an hour. The day he walked in on me and Jayce there was nothing, like he was trying to rip my heart out of my chest with his absence of words in retaliation. He always knew what things to do to strike a chord if he truly wanted revenge for something I did that made him upset. 

"I love you," I spoke out loud before I closed my eyes trying to sleep once more not being able to bear the agony I was consumed with.

It had been a week and a half and Tyler refused to see me or take my calls. I had briefly spoken to his father coming to find out Tyler intentionally came home early from the family outing to confirm his hunches. I guess it hadn't been to difficult for Tyler to catch on to how Jayce and I looked at each other whenever we were in the same room together or how too close we always seemed.

Most days, actually everyday, I hid in my room balled up in my bed crying myself back to sleep. Jayce on the other hand was blowing me up like I was doing to Tyler. My phone would go off every hour ringing and chiming as I ignored each call and avoided opening up the messages because I knew if I read them I would eventually end up caving.

I wanted to talk to him, to see him, have him hold me in his arms and ease away the suffering but it wasn't allowed. For some reason the universe hated me causing me a grief no person should ever endure.

I couldn't sleep this time tossing and turning. I had already gotten too much rest as my body denied me more slumber. I was just about to grab some more sleeping pills and then I heard someone making there way up the steps.

"Mom?," the door opened with Tyler appearing behind it.

"Hey baby," I spoke softly so happy to finally see and hear my son call out to me. I wanted to walk over to him and caress him in my hold but I was afraid. The fear of his rejection once again would only be more devastating than before.

Tyler walked over to my bed taking a seat besides my frail weakened body, "Beth told me you weren't doing to well so I thought it was time I stopped by. You don't look to good, have you been eating?" Concern and love gazed from his eyes, my sweet boy still loved me, thank god.

"Yea," I lied not wanting him to worry. There were enough issues between us, I didn't need him concerned over my health when there were more important things that needed to be discussed.

The truth was I had barely eaten since I last saw him or Jayce, that emptiness in my chest overwhelmed my will to do anything.

"Tyler, I know what you saw looked bad but I met Jayce before you brought him over that day. I'm so sorry that we hid things from you until they spiraled out of control but I ended it. You're my life, please forgive me," I burst out before Tyler denied me the opportunity to give some kind of explanation.