Pulse

Love and loss

Things with Asher are amazing. I have never been this happy before. I slept over Asher's apartment last night and woke up when he was leaving for work. Today is his first day back from medical leave, and I am going to worry about him all day. But I won't deny that he looks amazing in his uniform, wanting more than anything for him to use those handcuffs on me.

    I decide to be productive before I leave, wanting to do something nice for him. Asher's apartment is a typical man's apartment. Clothes are thrown everywhere and everything is disorganized. 

I gather all the clothes and do a couple loads of laundry. I also vacuum and do the dishes. Asher's apartment is slowly getting cleaner as the day goes on. I am in his room putting away laundry when I come across a picture on his nightstand. It is a picture of me. It is from our visit to the zoo, I am staring off into an exhibit with a big smile on my face. Butterflies start fluttering in my stomach with the knowledge that Asher took and kept a picture of me. Maybe this means he likes me as much as I like him. I can only hope.

I finally get home and let Charlie out, replaying last night in my mind; the hours I spent in Asher's sheets wrapped up in him. I've never known that I could experience such pleasure. I take my birth control pill and change my clothes, ready for a nap. I am in bed about to fall asleep when I feel the bed dip bedside me. A muscular arm wraps around my waist and pulls me into a hard chest. Asher's scent is the last thing I remember before falling into a deep sleep.

"I love you."

I wake up feeling groggy, hearing a husky voice in my half asleep state. I stretch out my body and roll into Asher's side, burying my face in his chest. Asher, who is already awake, wraps his arms around me and places a kiss to the top of my head.
"You say something?" I mumble into his chest.

Asher's response is to pull my chin up and place a light kiss on my lips, not answering my question. Something in me awakens and suddenly this small kiss isn't enough. I swing my leg around and straddle his waist. I deepen the kiss as I feel a moan vibrate from Asher's chest into mine. I move my mouth to his jaw, nipping along his jaw line. I slowly work my way down his chest, alternating between small bites and kisses down his torso.

I reach his cock and feel him flinch as my breath hits his skin. "Baby, come here." He grabs the top of my arms but I don't budge. I shake my head, wanting to do something for him. I place a kiss to the head of his dick and feel him twitch under me. "Is this-"

"Keep going."

    His voice interrupts my insecurities. Boldness courses through me. I grab his dick with my hand and  lower my head, taking his dick into my mouth. I moan at the taste of him, I can feel wetness pooling between my thighs. I run my tongue over his head, wiping away the tiny bead of salty cum. I take him deeper into my mouth, my lips wrapped around his base. His hands fly to my head and tighten in my hair. I start moving my head, wrapping my tongue around his dick. Needing more, I take him deeper into my mouth until he is at the back of my throat, almost eliciting my gag reflex.
"Jesus Carson!" He barks out.

He grabs the tops of my arms and pulls me up to him. His lips crash down against mine. He hands go to my hips and he lifts me, placing me onto his large hard cock. I slowly lower myself. The feeling of him filling me indescribable. I let out a loud moan. Asher starts guiding me to move, moving me up and down. His fingers fingers move to my clit and start making small circles. Within seconds I am climaxing, yelling as my release floods over me. Asher's grip tightens on my hips as he pounds into me from below me. He moans out his release, his movements slowing. 

I collapse onto his chest, unable to move. After our breathing returns to normal, Asher's husky voice floods my ears. "This means everything to me, you know that, right?" I lift my head and look at Asher, needing clarification on what he is talking about. He is looking at the ceiling. I wait until he lowers his head to meet my gaze. "What this is between us, it's everything to me."

I nod my head, moved by Asher's confession. I can hear the uncertainty and hesitation in his voice as he speaks. "Carson. I'm falling in love with you." His voice is quiet, soft. He stares at me, judging my reaction. My eyes widen at his confession. I bring my face to his, placing a gentle but passionate kiss on his lips. I whisper against his lips "Well I've already fallen in love with you, Asher". 

After hearing this, he rolls me over and makes slow passionate love to me.

The next month flies by fast. It is now the end of May. Asher is with me practically everyday and spends almost every night with me. He will even drive me to my finals and wait for me to finish. Sometimes he will stay after dropping me off to be a guest speaker at the police academy, which I find out is what he was doing when I first met him here. We are always together, and I love that. I love him, and I let him know it every chance I get.

I had just gotten home from work when Asher meets me at more door. After we make love, I fall into a deep sleep. I wake up to a buzzing noise, but try to ignoring it and go back to sleep. I hear Asher's hand fumble around on the end table until he picks up his phone.

"Hello"

I start falling back asleep when I feel Asher jerk up in the bed beside me. I roll over and see Asher standing to pull on his clothes, his phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

I sit up, confused by what is going on. He comes over to me and kisses my forehead. "Babe, I have to go home, to my parents. Something happened to Chase. The was an explosion in Iraq and he was brought back here for further care. He is in the ICU. I'll call you as soon as I get there."

"Do you want me to go with you?" I don't want Asher to deal with this by himself. I want to be there for him. I want him to know he can depend on me.

"No. You stay here. I'll call you. I love you."

A week flies by. I don't hear from Asher too much, but from what he tells me it doesn't sound like Chase is doing good. I know I need to be there for him. I can't let him go through this alone. I know what it is like to lose someone you love, to feel alone.  I grab my bags and load Charlie in my Jeep. Bethany agreed to watch Charlie so I can go check on Asher. I drop him off at her house with Charlie's toys and food and I hit the road. I had gotten the address from a coworker of Asher, and I am going to go support him.

I am in the car on my way to Harwich when I see Asher's name come across my screen. I hit the accept button.

"Hey babe. What's up?"

He is silent for a period of time, my gut is telling me he is about to tell me bad news. I can hear the sadness in his voice. Dread fills my stomach.
"Chase. He- he didn't make it. He's gone. "