Pulse

Confessions

I wake up to the smell of bacon filling my nostrils. I breath deep, savoring the smell. I've had morning sickness the past couple weeks and am grateful I don't have it right now. The smell of bacon is heavenly. I groggily crawl out of bed and walk downstairs, the smell becoming stronger. I find Asher making breakfast. The counter is filled with food. Eggs, waffles, bacon, fruit. All of it looking delicious. Asher motions for me to sit down and brings me a plate of food. I waste no time before digging in. I can't even remember the last time I was able to eat breakfast without throwing up.

I moan as the delicious foods hit my taste buds. I take a some bites and also share some with Charlie who also loves them. I look over to Asher and am surprised to find his plate of food is untouched. His eyes are glued to the table.

Asher is looking down as he speaks. "You shouldn't have kept this from me Carson. I deserved to know." He pauses before continuing. "Where you ever going to tell me?"

    I don't know what to say. I know he is hurt by my actions, but I am still hurt my his. I slowly nod. "I'm sorry Ash." I pause before speaking again. "I was going to tell you. I was, I swear. As soon as I came home after finding out I called you to tell you, but she answered the phone. I was so upset and hurt I couldn't bring myself to tell you then. And I never gained the strength after that." Even though I am still a little mad at him, I really am sorry. I hate seeing the hurt on his face, especially knowing I caused it. I did keep something big from him. Seizing this moment of honesty, I speak. I need an answer to this question. It has been in the back of my mind since it happened.

"Why didn't you stick up for me? Why didn't you tell her we were together? You told me you don't want her, so why? Are you embarrassed of me?" Even though I need the answer, I am scared of the truth. Asher has gotten under my skin so deep that it hurts.

"No Carson. I'm not embarrassed of you. I'm lucky to have you." I wait for him to continue, wanting him to answer my questions. But he remains silent.

"Then why?"

He runs his hand down his face, taking a deep breath before answering. "Because I thought about it, okay? I thought about how it could be. I started thinking about how Brooke and I were when we were together. I would be closer to my parents. I thought about Chase. Our passion for Brooke was the only thing we had in common. I felt that in a way it would keep me close to Chase. It would make my parents happy. In a way, it would make me feel I didn't abandon everyone in my family, almost making my life easier." He pauses before continuing. "I know it's stupid. But I felt like it would be what he wanted, me watching his girl. I was confused, I wasn't thinking clearly. I was still in shock over everything. My parents put Chase on a pedestal. And I thought maybe if I did this, then I could be more like him, finally doing something good enough for my parents."

His confession hurts worse than I ever imagined it would. I feel tears of anger and hurt welling up in my eyes. I jolt up, sending my chair flying behind me.
"Then go! Go be with that blonde bitch! I can take care of myself so get the fuck out!"

I turn away from the table and start walking away, my face wet with tears. I hear Asher getting out of his chair and I can hear his footsteps as he walks towards me, coming closer. "Don't act like I'm the only one who fucked up Carson! I know I didn't handle that right. And I'm sorry. Im sorry I didn't defend us, I am sorry for hurting you. But guess what? I'm hurt too! I come home from being ignored for weeks only to find this out?! How the hell do I even know that it's mine?" He yells at me.

   My feet immediately  stop at his accusation. I turn around and storm towards him. My hand flies out immediately and my palm strikes his cheek, hard. My palm is stinging and his cheek is red. Anger is raging inside me. "How dare you! You bastard! You really think that of me? You really think I would fuck around on you?! You're the only person I've ever been with. Get the fuck out of my house!" I demand. I see nothing but red, in disbelief of his accusation. I turn around and head towards the front door, intent on showing him out.