The Real Scömìche

Mitch

"Mitch? Please, promise me? Please? Mitch, why aren't you talking? Mitch!" I let out a small sob.

"Mitch, you've got to promise me! Mitch, promise me you won't cut yourself!"

I whispered, my voice breaking. "I don't think I can."

"What? Mitch, promise me! What's going on, where are you?!" He sounded unbelievably distraught and my heart snapped. I mumbled an answer between shaky breaths. Don't cry, Mitch, don't cry.

" Mitch, I can't hear you! Tell me nothing bad happened!"

"I, er, I'm at a hospital." I heard his hand fly to his mouth and flinched.

"Which hospital? Mitch, where are you?"

"Scott, I-"

"Tell me where you are now." He startled me with the aggression in his voice and I told him the address. He hung up. I could tell he was obviously angry, but I also caught a hint of terror in voice. I imagined him grabbing his keys and calling Kirstin, Kev and Avi. I imagined him jumping in his car for the three hour journey, running his fingers through his hair, not even caring what he looked like.

Three hours and thirty minutes later, Scott burst into my room closely followed by Kirst and Avi. I wondered where Kevin was, but I daren't bring anything up with out being spoken to first. Suddenly, I was being suffocated by a tiny figure with dyed, shoulder length blonde hair. "Kirst!" I gasped for air and she apologised sheepishly and stood up. I nodded in acknowledgement but turned to Scott, searching his lazuli blue eyes. All I could see was an emotion I hadn't witnessed in Scott for years. Serious, proper hurt. There was no pity, only lost love. I was confused until I realised what I'd told him over the phone. I understood the random hint of self hatred in his expression. Emily Vesper. He'd planned to spend his life with her, and never realised what she'd been doing to herself. She'd secretly been self harming, which had led to her suicide. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

"What are you doing in this place Mitch?" Scott's voice woke me from my train of thought. I suddenly realised Kirstie and Avi had left the room.

"I, I- Scott,"

"Mitch, tell me this didn't have anything to do with the... topic we discussed over the phone..." I avoided his eyes and bit my lip. He stepped backwards and sunk despairingly into a convenient chair.

"No. Mitch, oh my god." He sobbed as he pulled on his blonde locks. I could feel my own eyes welling up at the thought of Scott's hurt. Kirst and Avi opened the door to find us both in tears. Avi offered Scott his hand, and when he didn't Scott take it, Avi hoisted Scott up and led him out of the room. Kirstin squeezed my hand and quietly lifted my long sleeve. Her suspicions were confirmed as she sighed in despair.

"How did you-"

"Mitch, Scott never sobs. You never wear long sleeved t shirts. You've been losing weight, getting headaches, feeling dizzy... I could tell." Wow, she's an amazing people watcher. "Scott only ever breaks down when he's depressed or reminded of her. You've been wearing the shirts to cover up the scars. I can tell you think you're unattractive, unsexy, so you've gone on a crash diet, which results in permanent aching hunger and tiredness, which results in headaches and skipping meals dramatically decreases energy levels, leaving you dizzy." She finished with increased sadness in her eyes. "It takes one to know one, Mitchie..."

"You...?"

"My sister. And me, I guess." I must have frowned because she continued. "My sister starting cutting herself when I was ten and she was sixteen. And I was diagnosed with anorexia at fifteen. Between us, we know a lot about mental health disorders. Look, when you hate yourself, you start not caring about what you have to do to look pretty. Or to look like the distorted impression of beauty. Anorexia affects your subconscious, making you believe you're unbelievably ugly, a voice always nagging in the back of your head that you start believing. And self harming comes from a physical rather than mental way of dealing with emotions. It's a way of releasing tension, trapped emotion or controlling something. It's a physical pain that you can deal with, rather than an emotional feeling that you might find hard to cope with, like self hatred or being bullied or abused." I think I gasped at the matter of fact way she explained the pain and science of mental diseases. I pulled her into a hug, seeing beneath the nerd and reaching the fear and hurt underneath. I couldn't believe that all of us in the Unholy Trinity had such similar yet so different pasts.

"Does Scott know?"

"No."

"Are you going to-"

"No. No, and you're not going to either, Mitch."

"Kirst, I really think you should tell your best friend..."

"Yes, I should. But I'm not going to. And neither are you. Swear you won't, Mitch. Swear." I reluctantly linked my pinky with hers. I didn't like that she was making me keep something this big from my beau.