The House of the Rising Sun

Chapter Thirty-Three: Guilt

Chapter Thirty-Three: Guilt

Alexander

I woke up the next morning, just before Helios came up, in the guest bedroom in Kerpheres’ house. He had offered to lodge me there until I could afford a place of my own and so he could teach me as much Egyptian as he could (I told him I would pay him extra and he immediately agreed). I didn’t want to stay in the house where Antony and I used to stay. He was staying at the palace, and being in that alley alone didn’t sit so well with me.

I swung my feet over the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. I hadn’t seen Selene in sixty-one days. I was counting. But I couldn’t see her; I had no time! I had found a job at the docks working for an old man named Thutmosis and I was there from dawn until dusk. Then I came here to have lessons from Kerpheres. We would be up late learning and repeating the same Egyptian characters over until they flowed from my lips with ease. Then I slept for only a few hours only to wake up and start again.

I stood, stretched, and walked over to my trunk of belongings. In the sixty-one days since I started my job, I had sold my clothes and bought some old linen kilts from a friendly old lady who worked near the docks. I also cut my hair again to the length Selene had once cut it. The hot Egyptian sun really made it clear that I could very well die of heatstroke, and I didn’t want that. I was going to marry Selene after Sosigenes’ funeral, not make her go through another burial. I changed into one of the white kilts I bought, rimmed my eyes with kohl that Kerpheres gave me (without extending the line to my temples) and tied my sandals on. That was what I refused to change about myself—the sandals. I had to keep something Roman besides my religion. Ready.

I rummaged through the chest again to grab a few gold coins, just in case, and was about to close it when I remembered something. I frowned, reached in the chest, and searched.

I couldn’t find the medallion with Medusa on it. The one Aquilina had given me for my birthday so long ago. What had I done?

Aquilina.

I had been about to ask for her hand in marriage, and now…I was going to get married to someone else. But I loved Selene.  I couldn’t marry anyone else! I felt so guilty, however, for just sending back a letter, and even then it was addressed to Octavian alone. She must’ve found out through him. Gods, I deserved to go to Tartarus for that. Even though I didn’t love Aquilina anymore, I believed she deserved so much more than that. She deserved so much more than me. Perhaps…Selene deserves much more than me.

No.

Don’t think like that.

How could I have been so awful? And I couldn’t just go back to Rome. I wasn’t going to leave Selene again, and I couldn’t ask her to come with me.

Let it be.

I couldn’t do anything else. I could be as good as dead to Aquilina.

I decided I would look for the amulet back in the house where I used to stay at after working today.

I closed the chest and walked out of the room into Kerpheres’ main hall. He was already gone to the House of the Rising Sun so he could devote himself to the gods; I had his house to myself in the early predawn hours. I had a quick breakfast and then I was off down to the docks.

The mornings were slightly cool, before Helios came up to warm the day. The heat felt nice on my back, and for the past sixty days I had gained a tan and my hair had gotten lighter to the way it had once been.