Who I Am [boyxboy]

Who I Am {6}

A.N.- Hello everyone! I made a trailer for this story on youtube :DD Check it out :D 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STaEX2EXeGo <---There's the link. Or you can just click on the video thingy...

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                I was waiting for Ryland to pick me up. I sat at the table playing with a quarter I found resting on top. I was so bored right now. I really hoped this party would be enough fun to get my mind off things for a little while at least.

                “Jamie?”

                I glanced up at my parents curiously as they sat down across from me. Mom glanced at dad before biting her lip nervously. Dad sighed.

                “Jamie, you’ve been acting strange lately. Are you okay? Is there anything you need to tell us?” I felt myself starting to freak out on the inside. Was this about me being gay? Or was this about TBear?

                “What do you mean?” I asked casually, staying as calm as possible on the outside. “Son, is this about TBear? It’s been 3 months already. I know that’s not enough time for you to heal from it yet, but you seem to only get more depressed from it. It scares us,” mom said, concern shining in her eyes.

                Of course I did. Because it was on my guilty mind 24/7. I used to not be such an emotionless, laughless, serious kind of guy but…well, you know. Such a huge secret starts to weigh you down.

                “No. It’s not TBear,” I said. Well, that wasn’t a total lie. It wasn’t totally TBear. It was me being gay, too. My parents were homophobes. Maybe my mom could deal with the knowledge of me being gay, but my dad? Hell no. He’d rather disown his son than accept him as a homosexual.

                “Jamie…don’t take this the wrong way, okay?” dad said gently. “Take what the wrong way?” I asked, feeling anxious. They glanced at each other again before dad spoke.

                “We’ve noticed…your behavior. Not just the change in your attitude. But, the way you act around Ryland.” Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh motherfucking whale sperm. I did NOT want them to ask the question I knew was coming.

                “Jamie…do you…like…Ryland?” dad asked. He sounded pained just to even ask the question. Imagine if I were to answer it honestly. He’d probably have a heart attack.

                “Of course not! Freaking hell dad; I’m not gay!” I said angrily. But my anger was just masking my intense fear. My parents couldn’t know I was gay! I’d rather die than get kicked out or, worse, disowned by my dad.

                A look of such intense relief washed over their faces that I felt bile rising in my throat. My phone thankfully buzzed and I jumped up. “Bye mom. Bye dad.”

                “Bye Jamie,” they said, love and care in their eyes. I waved to them, barely registering the look in their eyes.

                But I should’ve. Because that would be the last time I’d ever see it.

                I got in Ryland’s car and shut the door. Blaine and Jouke were riding in the back. Ryland was blasting T.Mills from a CD he had made. The music was getting me pumped a little already. I needed this. I needed a fun night to just relax and have some funs with my friends. Maybe have a few drinks or even a smoke.

                Ryland parked down the street from the house. “Ain’t nobody fucking with my car,” he said as we got out and started walking. “Dude, I don’t wanna walk all the way back here when I’m drunk!” Jouke whined. “Deal with it fool!” Ryland cried, sticking out his tongue playfully.

                We entered the house where music blasted loudly and teens danced. The smell of alcohol mixed with smoke was strong and inviting. We all grinned at each other and moved towards the drinks. Ryland tossed me a closed beer and I opened it and started drinking.

                I drank another beer. And another. And other. And another. And another. A few mixed drinks. I had 3 Smirnoff’s. A few hours into the party, and I was fucking wasted.

                I was dancing with some kid I vaguely recognized through my drunken haze. God, what was his name? Chris? Yea, I think that was it. Chris was a kid in my year and he was a known gay. He was drunk too, though not as much as me.

                “You’re fucking hot Jamie,” he said, grinning. “You’re not too bad yourself,” I slurred, winking at him and staggering a little as I tried to stay in time with the beat of the song playing.

Hope you never hurt
Hope you never cry
Hope you never lose your way tonight
Hope you never crumble
Hope you never fall

As the song lyrics reached my drunken brain, I found myself leaning in and kissing Chris. The crowd of kids starred at us in shock. A lot of them knew me from school. And they knew me as a straight kid. I had always played off being straight quite well.

                “Jamie! What the hell are you doing?” Ryland’s shocked voice cried. I glanced at the crowd and, unaware I was even doing it, shouted the words that would sweep me into a world of hate and homophobia.

                “I’M JAMIE FOLD AND I’M FUCKING GAY! DEAL WITH IT!” I cried and kissed Chris again. Ryland stared at me through shocked eyes. “J-Jamie…you’re a fag?” he whispered. “Damn straight! Kept it a secret for a while. Don’t give a shit now,” I said, staggering a little more. Chris helped to steady me.

                Ryland and Blaine stared at me with unreadable eyes. Jouke’s eyes were just shocked. The crowd broke out into furious whispers as the dancing continued. And the first, but certainly not the last, of the homophobia started.

                “JAMIE FOLD’S A FAG!”