Who I Am [boyxboy]

Who I Am {26}

                The next day, we made our way to Blaine’s house. We knocked on the door and his mom told us to go to his room. We went upstairs and knocked on his bedroom door.

                “Just come in!” he called. We opened the door and stepped inside. He glanced at us and glared before pausing whatever video game he was playing and facing us. “The fuck do you fags want?” he demanded in annoyance.

                “To talk to you. We’re not fags. We’re your friends,” Ryland said simply. “Even if you don’t like us and don’t want to be friends with us…we still want to be friends with you. Even if you are an asshole.”

                Blaine glared even more. “Really? I’m an asshole? Funny. That’s what that slut Ashley said to me yesterday when I didn’t let her suck my dick to make you jealous.” Ryland froze. “What?” he whispered weakly and Blaine nodded.

                “She came to my house yesterday. Went all seductive mode on me. Tried to get me hard so she could suck me to make you jealous and piss Jamie off. I told her to get the fuck out of my room, and she called me an asshole. Guess you guys really are a lot alike.”

                “I’m not like her!” Ryland snapped. “I’d never cheat like that!” His voice was full of pain. “I know,” Blaine said, surprising me with his gentle tone.

                “So you don’t hate us?” I asked nervously. “I hate that you’re gay. I can’t keep pretending to actually hate you. Maybe we can be cool again. Just…pretend you’re straight when you’re around me. Please?” he begged.

                “Yea. Yea, I guess,” I said quietly. He would get used to it eventually, and then things would really be normal again. He smiled a little. “Good. Now why’s that bitch after you again Ry?”

                Ryland shrugged, pain clear in his eyes. “I don’t know. I want her out of my life. She put me through hell.” “More like she put your liver through hell,” I grumbled and he sighed. “Yea, that too,” he said with another shrug.

                “Ry, did you ever…do anything with her?” Blaine asked silently. Ryland nodded slowly, the pain in his eyes unbearable. “I gave her everything,” he whispered.

                I grabbed his hand and Blaine looked away uncomfortably. Ryland hugged me tightly and I resisted the urge to kiss him, just for Blaine. “I’m a fuck up. I’m so stupid,” he whispered and I shook my head. “No, you’re not Ryland!” I said fiercely.

                “I was an accident Jamie, and all I ever do is fuck up,” he said miserably. “You know that’s not true,” I said. “She cheated on you. She’s the fuck up.”

                “Guys, let’s go to Jouke’s house,” Blaine said silently and we nodded and left Blaine’s house. We turned on my iPod and listened to Under Your Skin by Trap House Rave as we walked. I grabbed Ryland’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He remained silent, though.

                We knocked on Jouke’s door when we got there and William answered. “Hi!” he said eagerly. “Hi William,” I said with a small smile.

                “William! I told you not to answer the door,” Jouke’s mom said sternly, coming over to the door. “I’m sorry boys,” she said apologetically as she bent down and scooped William into her arms. “It’s okay Holly,” Blaine said to her and she stepped aside to let us in.

                “Mommy can I take them to Jouke’s room? Please?” he begged and she sighed. “Okay, honey. But please stop answering the door.” She set him down and he grabbed my hand and led us all upstairs to Jouke’s bedroom.

                “Jouke!” he called and pounded his fists on the door. “Chill out William! You don’t have to pound on the door. Holy shi…holy crap,” Jouke said in annoyance as he opened the door. He glanced up and broke out into a huge grin.

                He ushered us inside and picked up William before shutting his door. “No one else’s hand is broken…you guys are all friends again! And you didn’t have to fight for it to happen!” he cheered.

                We all nodded and he grinned even wider. Ryland suddenly smiled. “This,” he said with a nod and we gave him curious looks.

                He put his arm around me. “This is happiness. Not being with some cheating bitch. Being with my best friends who actually care about me and love me.” He looked deep into my eyes and I smiled softly. “Yea, Ry. You’re right.”

                And suddenly, I knew we were healing. We were helping each other heal. Blaine and Jouke were helping us heal. Our families were helping us heal. Heal from everything. For Ryland, healing from his dad, from Ashley, from his mom’s ex boyfriend. For me, healing from the homophobia, from what my parents had done to me, and from TBear. I smiled at my friends and hugged Ryland tightly, a genuine smile wide on my face. The old Jamie was back.