Who I Am [boyxboy]

Who I Am {22}

                                                                ***Ryland’s POV***

                My heart slammed in my chest as I pulled into my driveway. I was about to tell my homophobic mom I was bisexual, right after my best friend got kicked out of his house. If this made my mom cry, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

                Yes, I was finally admitting it to myself. And I was admitting to myself that I really liked Jamie. He was attractive and funny and my best friend and…yea.

                I walked into my house and into the living room. My mom was sitting on the couch reading a book. Danny was probably at work. In our living room, we didn’t have a TV. We had one in the sitting room. My mom didn’t like TV. She said it rotted your brain, or whatever.

                “Mom?” Shit. My voice was shaking so bad. Mom looked up, instantly alarmed. “Ryland? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” she asked, setting her book down and standing up.

                “You’ll love me no matter what, right?” I whispered, needing to know. She nodded. “Of course I will! What happened? Did you do something? Ryland, if this is about the cigarettes, I’m not mad. We can talk about it and-” I shook my head at her. “No. Something else.”

                I took a deep breath. “I’m…bisexual,” I whispered, looking away in embarrassment. The room went eerily quiet. Oh god. Was this how Jamie had felt? Scared? Alone?

                “What?” she asked, confused. “I’m bisexual. I kissed Jamie. I like boys and girls,” I said, forcing the words out as they threatened to choke me.

                I looked up at her and saw her shaking her head. “No…Ryland…” She sounded so helpless. “I am, mom. I know I am,” I said gently.

                She looked at me weakly and I saw her eyes starting to water. “Please don’t cry mom!” I begged. “Please!” She wiped her eyes. “I’m…You’re…”

                I moved to her and she let me. “Please don’t cry mom.” She wrapped her arms around me tightly. “Oh Ryland. Why?” she whispered.

                “I just do, mom. I can’t explain it. Please don’t hate me. I know I fucked up your life and now I’m a disappointment, but please don’t hate me,” I begged desperately.

                “No, Ryland. No you didn’t. And I’m not disappointed. I love you Ryland and if you like…boys…I’ll live with it,” she said and held me tighter. But I knew she was crying now. “I didn’t mean to make you cry momma,” I said, hating myself.

                I was a terrible person. I had made my mom cry. She had given up everything to raise me when she was just 17 years old, and I had made her cry. The fuck was wrong with me?

                “I love you Ryland,” she said quietly and stroked my hair. “I loved you when you were born, and I loved you when you were growing up, and I love you now even if you’re bisexual.”

                She pulled away from me and I was right, tears stained her face. “Why don’t you go hang out with your friends while I go shopping, okay?” “You don’t hate me?” I asked, feeling small. She shook her head and kissed me. “I could never hate you Ryland,” she whispered honestly.        

                I turned to leave the house. “And Ryland?” I faced her. “Yea mom?” I asked nervously. She smiled at me softly. “Don’t do drugs. That shit will kill you.” I nodded obediently before leaving the house.

                I called Jamie and drove to Nadia’s. Jamie was waiting for me outside. He got in my car and I drove us towards…well, who cares. I was driving, and Jamie was next to me. He held my hand and turned on my iPod, playing Tick Of Time by The Kooks.

                I told him how everything had gone and pulled into an old parking lot. “I’m happy for you Ry. I told you your mom loved you,” he said and kissed me.

                “Jamie…will you be my boyfriend?” I whispered. He smiled weakly. “It’s about time you asked,” he mumbled and kissed me again. I deepened the kiss, unafraid now that I was being honest with myself.

                He bit my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, allowing his tongue in. It eagerly explored my mouth and I gently massaged his tongue with mine. He tangled his hands into my hair and we managed to shift to the backseat of my car.

                We pulled each other’s shirts off and Jamie kissed down my neck to my nipple. He gently flicked his tongue over it and I felt a pleasured shiver run through me. He gently sucked on it while massaging my other one with his hand. I desperately fought back the moan rising in me.

                He switched, sucking on my opposite nipple. His hands moved to my jeans and unzipped them. He slowly slid them off and then my boxers. He kissed down my stomach and held my erection in his hands, stroking me.

                Now the moan escaped without warning. I knew he was smirking as his thumb skimmed my tip. He placed me in his mouth and I groaned as he began to suck me.

                “J-Jamie,” I moaned. And to think, just yesterday, I thought I was a straight guy. A regular homophobe. I thought Jamie was a fag. And now I was getting a blow job from him. Ah, the ways of life.

                He worked me skillfully for someone with no experience. I could feel myself reaching peak. He ran his tongue over my tip and I bit my lip. Still, the loud groan escaped my lips.

                I couldn’t take it anymore. I moaned loudly as I came in Jamie’s mouth. He swallowed me before shifting on top of me. He pressed his lips to mine deeply and let me taste myself.

                “I’ve wanted this for so long Ry,” he mumbled between kisses. “God I’m a fag,” I said and laughed at myself, realizing I didn’t care. Maybe Jamie was right. Maybe this really was who I am all along, and I had been in denial.

                We ended up just lying in the backseat of my car, occasionally kissing. “Fuck homophobia. This is much better,” I said plainly and Jamie laughed. “Yea. Let’s just never mention this to our parents. That might not help me get back into my house.”

                “I’m hungry,” I announced and Jamie shifted off of me and back into the front seat. We pulled out shirts on (well, Jamie did. I had to pull all my clothes on.), and I turned the car on and pulled out, speeding off towards the nearest Taco Bell.