Who I Am [boyxboy]

Who I Am {16}

                                                                ***Jamie’s Mom’s POV***

                I sat in the living room, barely managing to stop myself from crying. “Janine, are you okay?” Frank asked me. That was it. That was all I could take.

                I burst into hot tears and buried my face in my hands. Jamie. “What did we do Frank?” I screamed, wishing so desperately we hadn’t kicked him out. We had watched him until he had walked away. We had heard him screamed ow on the lawn.

                “He’s gay! I will not have a gay boy in my house!” Frank said angrily. “He’s our son! Jesus Christ he’s our son and we kicked him out on the streets at night!” I shrieked, wrapping my arms around myself as Jamie had done.

                “I won’t have Jamie back in this house if he loves boys. I won’t have it! Are you really saying you want a gay son?” I shook my head. “No! I don’t want our son to be gay! But…I can’t stop worrying…Frank, what if something happens to him?” “Let it be a lesson to him.”

                I looked up at the wall where a picture of Jamie from last year was hanging and burst into a fresh round of tears. “Oh Jamie. Why? Why does it have to be Jamie?” I sobbed. “Were we bad parents to him? Did we do something that made him gay?”

                Frank shook his head. “No. It wasn’t our fault. Look, Jamie’s gay. That’s that. Let’s go to bed and we can figure everything out in the morning, okay?” He gently led me upstairs as I continued to cry over my now lost son.

                                                                                ***Jamie’s POV***

                I rang Nadia’s doorbell and her mom answered. “Oh goodness Jamie! Are you okay?” she asked in worry. “I-Is Nadia home?” I whispered. She nodded and put her arm around me. She led me into the house, shut the door, and led me upstairs to Nadia’s room.

                She knocked on the door and Nadia opened it. “Jamie!” she cried. “What’s wrong?” Her mom removed her arm and Nadia took my hand and pulled me over to her bed. She sat me down and I wrapped my arms around her tightly, needing to hold her.

                “Mom, can you let us talk?” she asked anxiously. Her mom nodded, shot me another concerned look, and shut the bedroom door. “What’s wrong Jamie?” Nadia demanded. I opened my mouth to tell her and instantly exploded into sobs.

                She held me tightly as I cried. I hated crying in front of people, and I seemed to be doing it a lot lately. But I had never, in my life, broken down as hard as I was now. I cried for a while, and it was hardcore sobbing.

                “Jamie, you’re scaring me. What happened?” Nadia asked, fear in her voice. My sobs were beginning to slow and turn to choked breaths. I shakily explained everything that happened and found myself crying again as I spoke.

                Nadia’s eyes watered and she kissed my cheek. “Oh god Jamie. You can stay here. Let me just make sure my mom’s okay with it,” she said gently. She grabbed my hand and led me downstairs where her parents were sitting together on the couch watching Netflix.

                The sight of them had me break down a little again. They still loved their daughter. Nadia deserved their love. She was straight.

                As I began to cry again, I slapped my arm over my leaking eyes in embarrassment. “Mom, dad, can Jamie stay with us? He…something happened between him and his parents,” Nadia said but I shook my head. “No. Tell them Nadia. I won’t feel right staying here unless they know the whole story,” I whispered. So Nadia told them, and wrapped her arms around me as I cried again.

                “Oh Jamie. Of course you can stay here! You can sleep in Nadia’s room. I’ll help you guys set up the mattress,” Nadia’s mom said, eyes shining with concern as she stood up and moved to us. We all went up to Nadia’s room and she started setting up the extra mattress.

                “Thank you so much,” I whispered sincerely. “It’s no trouble Jamie. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to,” she said with a warm smile. She hugged me tightly and left Nadia’s room.

                Nadia pat the spot on her bed and I crawled next to her. We wrapped our arms around each other and I looked deeply in her eyes. “Is it that wrong that I’m gay Nadia?” She shook her violently. “No it’s not Jamie! They’re homophobic idiots!”

                I sighed. “Tomorrow, will you come with Jouke, Ryland, and I to talk to Blaine?” She nodded. “Of course I will Jamie.” I started shaking and Nadia hugged me tighter. “Thank you so much Nadia. I wish you knew how much this meant to me. You’re such a great friend to me,” I whimpered and squeezed my eyes shut, begging for sleep.

                Nadia softly started singing Lullaby For A Stormy Night and I swallowed down the lump in my throat. My mom used to sing that me when I was little and afraid of storms, and Nadia knew it. Her voice was soothing and I tried to imagine that I was home during a storm, 5 years old and lightly crying. That everything was okay and my parents still loved me because I was still straight. That this was just another stormy night that would give way to a beautiful day. Troubled sleep claimed me as these thoughts swirled around my head.