Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 31

APRIL POV.

I woke up early to make the boys something to eat, I turned over and Luke wasnt beside me agan, but their was a note.

April,

I had to go early, the boys are still round though,

they're all out tonight, so come to mine at 6.

Luke xxxx

I smiled, and put the note on the side, and climbed out of bed, and walked over to the mirror, and looked at how my face was doing, the cuts and brusies had'nt healed, but the swelling was going down immensly.

I went to the bathroom, went to the toilet, changed all my underwear, and clean pjs and then brushed my teeth.

I walked downstairs and all the boys were scattered around watching TV.

"Morning" I said to them all, walking past them and making something to eat for them all.

I did a fry up, leaving bits out the boys didn't want.

As I cooked it, Beau walked in and smiled.

BEAUS POV.

I walked into the kitchen, to the sweet scent of food.

I saw the back of Aprils head, and smiled.

She span around and smiled at me but then looked back to resume cooking.

"Want some help?" I asked, she nodded.

"Guess you could" I walked behind her, and lent over hers as I walked past body brushing over her bum.

I froze, God.

I quicly lent away, and helped her cook some eggs, doing all of us one each and placing them on the plates.

Grabbing two plates and rushing out.

She soon came out, not looking like anything had happened, but It was on my mind.

Whats happening to me.

APRILS POV.

Later on, I got ready while the boys had all left my house to go out drinking again.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, pressing my palms into my face, as I rocked myself back and forth, my life was seriously getting better, but I didn't feel any better.

I have everything I want, my auntie who loves me deeply and a home where I wasn't afraid to fall asleep, or even come out of my bedroom. A room that I adored, and some new friends that actually have accepted me.

Why was I feeling like I didn't want to be here.

I slung my bag over my shoulder, and walked downstairs.

I walked out, and let the air blow my hair back as I looked around my surroundings, I felt abit better knowing I was about to see Luke.

I walked up to his door, and knocked on it slighlty before I heard his body moving around as the door unlocked.

Lukes head popped around before realising it was me and openeing the door, as he let me in.

I looked at his eyes which were raw red, he went and sat on the sofa, so I thought this was the perfect time to ask him what was going on.

"Luke whats going on with you? And don't bullshit me" I said serenely.

He was shocked by my quick conversation starter, but he soon relaxed back into the sofa and sighed.

"I'm scared April, for you"

His words shocked me as I felt bad that the reason behind his glum feelings were because of me.

"I want you too stop cutting" he said softly.

I wasn't shocked by his asking as I knew he had wanted me too for sometime.

"Okay, okay I will. I promise this time. I'll try and stop, I can't guarantee it Luke as I have been doing it for a while. But I'll try and stop if you really want me too"

He relaxed back and smiled, and put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it with his thumb.

"Thank you. It's only because..if we were to ever you know, get together" he said before looking me in the face "I'd want you too be happy with yourself at the same time"

As he said this my body tingled crazily.

I had never felt so loved by a boy before because of the way my dad had treated me, I always thought boys were all abusive and wanted you too feel down.

I was happily surprised when I let all the boys hug me and sit near me and silly things like that, I was even more ravished that me and Luke had got to intimate and close and that he seemed to be more nervous than me.

Have you ever had the urge when you find someone that you really like, and care for deeply that you could literally squeeze the hell out of them until they burst, and you'd want to just scream at the same time to get all the feelings you've got cooped up inside you out.

That's how I feel whenever I'm around Luke.

I loved all the boys so much.

"April" he said slowly.

"Yeah?"

"How can you hurt yourself? I don't get how you can bring yourself too it?"

"It's crazy Luke. I mean, even when nothing bad is going on, you still feel low and down. You want to get all those feelings out, and to see the blood come out is like all the badness and bad thoughts are coming out too, when you cut you don't feel hurt or pain, it's a release from all the hurt and pain you have inside"

Luke wasn't looking at me, he was looking down at my thigh, rubbing his thumb against my jeans.

"You can always punch me if it helps" he laughed.

I laughed too.

"Thanks"

Luke stood up and started getting quilts and pillows and blankets etc to make a little bed on the floor.

Once he was done he told me to get inside it as he switched on a film.

We lay their for a while, as Luke held my hand under the covers.

I craved his touch, the simplest thing when he accidentally brushes his hand against my skin makes shivers crawl over me.

When the film had ended, we lay in silence.

"What do you want too do?" Luke asked.

"I need to have a shower, if that's okay?" Luke then said after

"Can I have one after you?" I asked knowing I had to have a wash.

Luke looked at me and smiled, he laughed as I knew what he was thinking.

"Why don't we have a shower" he started.

"Together?"



((SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE BEEN BUSY AND I KNOW IT'S SHORT BUT BECAUSE IM GOING TO HAVE A LONG CHAP NEXT SO COMMENT BELOW WHAT YOU WANT TOO HAPPEN AND I'LL PICK SOME IDEAS. COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT))