All in Time

Chapter 19

  I hadn't seen Karkat in a few days. Yeah, I've talked to him, but he's been avoiding me physically. It worries me, but as long as I get texts and calls from him, I know that he's alive at least.

  I was planning to go see him during the weekend, but after he called me and said he was going to be busy during the weekend, I didn't go. The worst ideas popped into my head, too.

Am I not good enough? Is he cheating on me? What if he relapsed and he's not telling me?

  The questions ran through my mind, making the day unbearable. It soon turned into questions like:

  What if he hates me? What if those 'I love you's are fake?

  I kept letting these questions go through my head, making it pound. I wanted to ram my own skull against something to make it stop, but I doubt that would do anything besides make my headache worse.

  I rolled over on my bed, looking at my phone. I wanted Karkat to come over or for him to let me come over to his house, but he wouldn't. He always spoke quietly on the phone, too. The only times I heard him speak a higher volume was when he was outside. I could tell he was outside because of the sound of cars speeding past and people talking.

  I looked out of my window, hoping to see him walking over. I contemplated calling him as I searched through the sea of people for my tattooed boyfriend. I didn't see him.

  That was honestly the final straw. I grabbed my phone and took a few deep breaths so I wouldn't sound angry over the line even though I was.

  The phone rang a few times before I heard Karkat's voice.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey, where have you been?"

  "Oh, I'm at home. I just got back from work." Why was he being so calm about this? I haven't seen him in almost a week and a half now.

  "No, I mean all week. You've been avoiding me, haven't you?" I'm angry and I'm going to let him feel my wrath.

  "No that's not the thing. I haven't gone anywhere with anyone. I haven't left the house unless I'm going to work. The only person I've talked to all week besides you is Terezi," He said.

  "Uh-huh, and what are you talking to Terezi about?" I said. Karkat paused a moment before answering.

  "Wait, do you seriously think that Terezi and I would do that?" His voice raised a little when he spoke.

  "Well, what evidence is there to say that you didn't? You two have done things together before," I hiss.

  "Jesus Christ, Dave. That was in highschool. We haven't done anything like that since then. Why is it even relevant?" I heard him get up from wherever he was. He opened a door and went outside. I knew because I heard the cars.

  "It's relevant because I haven't seen you and Terezi fucking lives with you. What's up with that, huh? Why does she live with you and I don't? Would I get in the way of your little charade?" I was seething to the brim with anger and there was no stopping me.

  "Dave, do you seriously fucking think that me and Terezi have something going on? Do you distrust me that much? You think I would do that shit? That says a lot about what you think of me." He said. Oh shit, there's the guilt. It didn't stop me, though.

  "That's not the point. I want to know why Terezi lives with you and I'm not allowed to,"

  "Okay, here. Sollux rented that house directly out of highschool. He couldn't pay for it on his own, so Terezi and Gamzee pitched in to help. In exchange, he let them move in to be his roommates. That was when I literally hated myself so damn much that I wouldn't even think twice about dying if I had the chance. Terezi got worried about me and brought it up to Sollux and Gamzee. They agreed that I should move in so that they could keep an eye on me.

  Do you realize now, Dave? She lives with me because if she didn't take me in, I would be dead by now. Her, Sollux, and Gamzee kept me from shooting a bullet through my skull. Thanks for the fucking concern, but you don't know what the hell you're talking about." He growled. He didn't even give me chance to respond before hanging up.

  And there's the serious guilt. I felt awful. I didn't know that was the case, and if I did, I would've never brought it up. Now he's going to hate me.

The fact that he said that he would've shot himself if he didn't have his friends looking after him was scary. I didn't know his current case. He never opened up to me no matter how badly I wanted him to. Then again, there were things I wouldn't tell him. They were just too personal.

Those things included my normal psyche. He knew that I wasn't the most stable person on Earth, but that was the tip of the iceberg. I didn't tell him that I was on medication and that I hadn't taken it in almost seven months now. I haven't been as laid back since then.

Maybe I should go to Rose or someone to see if they think I should go on medication again or not. I haven't been sleeping nor have I been acting like my usual self and I think Karkat's noticed. Maybe that's why he's been avoiding me.

No, that can't be the case. It had to have been something else that was keeping him from seeing me. But what the hell was it? I wanted to get answers, but where was I going to get them.

Yeah, I should probably go see Rose to talk about my problems that she's heard a million times, but still listens to.

Time to book an appointment at Twin M.D.

_____________________________________________

Character development.

Yeeaaaah. Karkat had a shitty time when adulthood started attacking him. He did not like being an adult right when it happened.

He's better now (for the most part). He still has tiny episodes where he feels like shit, but he's not suicidal anymore which is good.

I have to hurt all of the characters. Why? Idk

Also, my update schedule for this story will be about every Saturday from here on out (I'll try my best to get a new chapter out each Saturday)

Okay, I'll leave, bye!

~Ghostie