The New Babysitter | [In Process]

Chapter 11: Leaving

The corridor was wide and long, covered in clouds of dark mist. It wasn't actually foggy, yet it was so dark and the air was so thick that if I told anyone they would believe there's fog inside.

It was unmistakably dark, to alternative of the seemingly bright lights hanging from the ceiling, and my mood, although already clouded with sadness from his rejection has also been drowned with the sudden rush of fright. What will I do?

'Your grip Is very strong, you know.' Pointed out Alice. She was right. I was rushing to the canteen, even though I didn't really know where it was, and she was barely dragging along behind me. I didn't know why I was so rough or so fast, but I needed to tell her everything. More importantly, I needed her advice on what to do next.

Soon we were in the canteen, which was a lot more brighter than the corridors, and I swung her onto a chair and sat opposite her. I placed my elbows on the table and hugged myself, I was shaking a little from the flooded thoughts.

'I've known him for so long now, so long.' I started, already avoiding eye contact. It was hard enough saying the words, yet I was lucky enough to manage them.

'Everything happened so quickly, so quickly. I wanted it so badly but when it came it was so fast, so incredibly fast. And then the fucking mailman ruined it and he realised that what happened was not what he wanted, even though he said that right before falling asleep, but said it was bad for joe-' I rushed out too quickly. I wasn't even sure if I pronounced half the words correctly.

'whoa, whoa, whoa.' Said Alice, her hands up in the air, a sigh of surrender or.. annoyance? Am I annoying everyone again? God.

'Hold up, what exactly happened?' she asked as she rested her arms on the table lazily while I was beginning to properly shake.

'We kissed. Fuck, no, we made out. Properly.' At that, her eyes went wide. Her mouth was slowly unravelling into a smile, but I needed to continue talking to not get her hopes up.

'And it was perfect, fucking amazing. I wanted it so bad, and when I came it came too fast and lasted barely a second, and I definitely wanted more.' Well that's not what I meant.

'Really?!' she beamed. God, I have to stop this. Her smile was now wider than I've ever seen.

'No! ... I mean yes but no!' at that she was confused.

'There were knocks on the door and I was scared but it was just the mailman. And then Michael decided to just go to sleep instead continue, so I was fucking certain her never wanted to see me again.'

'BUT HE ASKED YOU OUT!' She guessed. God no, Alice, you foolish little child, that wouldn't ever happen.

'No! he would never!' I said too loudly. Sure we weren't talking at normal volume but then I really screamed.
I put my hands on my face and rested them there. I'm making a fool of myself. Who am I kidding, I already am. But now I'm letting everyone know. Great.

'I went to wash my face and when I finished he asked if I wanted to sleep in his room. So I got excited and got my stupid fucking hopes up and agreed. Then he started saying that he didn't want to forget anything, bear in mind he was drunk so that was probably going to be the result. So I said I didn't either, stupidly. But then he said it wouldn't be fair on Joe. So that fucking means he wanted to forget.' I rushed out again.

I was pretty sure I was sweating then, and I was nearly on the verge of tears. But I had to carry on.

'So that means he regretted everything. Everything. He was drunk and I was stupid to not push him off me when we started kissing. And even more stupid when I fucking helped him to move my top out of the way so he could kiss my neck. God he must have imagined I was someone else and got carried away.' I breathed out. At the last sentence, something pushed me over the edge. I don't really understand how, but by that point I was crying. Not intensely, but visibly for anyone passing by.